Chapter 2: The Hermit Crab
“This is weird. It’s been almost a week and no one has put anything in the suggestion box.”
[It’s just you and me in this world. Did you really think someone would?]
“I left application forms in the interview space for other reincarnators to find.”
[They all tilted their heads and ignored them. Anyway, stop squatting in my space for a whole week.]
“Thanks to that, I’ve completely settled in. As you can see.”
[Don’t move the furniture with a snap of your fingers. Hurry up and pick a destination.]
“It’s hard without a postcard in the suggestion box…”
[Show some initiative!]
“I can’t think of a better idea than the Hero’s rib.”
[Think of a good idea. Your goals are way too driven by lust. You can’t be satisfied with a fly-by-night life like that.]
“That’s a fair point.”
[It is a perfectly fair point. Fine, I’ll lend you some wisdom.]
“You mean you’ll lend “a hand” for me?”
[I knew you’d say that. Rejected. Let’s see… you’re a modern kid with a ‘game brain,’ aren’t you?]
“I’m more of an outdoor type. In my student days, I went to the arcade three times a week.”
[Going to the arcade is not ‘outdoors.’ And even if it were, you still have a game brain.]
“On days I didn’t go to the arcade, my hobby was picking wild vegetables in the mountains.”
[So you were an outdoor type. But it doesn’t matter.]
“So sad.”
[Basically, how about a world with a system like a game?]
“I see. A world where you can manage skills and stats.”
[Exactly. But if your lifestyle was centered around arcades, are you bad at RPGs?]
“I’m fine. I played plenty of games at home too.”
[That’s good.]
“I liked PC games. I played lots of high-spec ones.”
[Quite the heavy gamer.]
“For about 70 yen per game.”
[You were a ‘trash game’ hunter?!]
Note: You can find games under 100 yen even if they aren’t used. You know why!*
“I like normal games too. I love romance sims.”
[I see. I didn’t care.]
“You’re so cold. By the way, what’s your affection level for me, Goddess-sama?”
[Let’s see… on a scale of 100, about 95.]
“That’s unexpectedly high! You’re beautiful today too.”
[Thank you. It’s 96 now.]
“This is too easy. By the way, if it hits 100, do we ‘reach the goal’?”
[Yes. When it hits the maximum, I’ll be so overwhelmed with love that I’ll turn you into a taxidermy display and use you as home decor.]
“Whoa, this isn’t a romance sim! The ‘goal’ is the end of my life and the difficulty is insane!”
[Go on, praise me more. I’ll at least leave your consciousness intact.]
“This Evil God is out of her mind.”
[It’s 99 now.]
“Oops, I can’t say anything reckless anymore.”
[By the way, there’s a login bonus. Every time the day changes, you get 1 point. About ten minutes left?]
“The time limit is close!”
[That’s why I recommend you choose quickly.]
“Fine. I’ll go get some ideas from my internet friends.”
[But you’re supposed to be dead.]
“It’s an online friendship; they won’t realize I’m dead.”
[What a hollow friendship.]
“Oh, I got a reply.”
[That was fast, considering the day is about to end. What did they say?]
“A Hermit Crab.”
[Did you ask a proper question?]
“Yeah. I asked, ‘I’m reincarnating in another world, what should I be?’ and that was the answer.”
[What lovely friends you have.]
“Hehehe.”
[The sarcasm is wasted on you. So, are you reincarnating as a hermit crab monster?]
“No, just a hermit crab.”
[Just a regular hermit crab?]
“If I were a hermit crab monster, someone else might have already done it.”
[Don’t be ridiculous… Oh, someone has.]
※ They really had.
“A regular hermit crab aiming to be the Hero. Don’t you think that’s wonderful?”
[I don’t think that’s a regular hermit crab anymore.]
“There are Heroes whose noses get pinched by a hermit crab’s claw.”
[That’s just a comedian.]
“If a sword held by a Hero can be a protagonist, then a hermit crab that pinched a Hero’s nose can be one too.”
[By that logic, someone who did a double-take at a Hero could be a protagonist… Oh, there was a Hero whose weapon was a double-take.]
※ There really was.
“Anyway, I want to report the results to my friend, so let’s go with hermit crab.”
[You’re already planning to come back, aren’t you? I’ll make you a non-monster hermit crab, but it would be a problem if you died immediately in the food chain, so I’ll add some options that don’t require a wait time.]
“Surprisingly, I’m back.”
[I knew it.]
“Do you want to hear why it didn’t work?”
[I’d rather hear why you thought it would work.]
“Doesn’t it seem like they have high defense?”
[If they were a monster, sure.]
“It was going great for a while.”
[A hermit crab’s ‘great’ life is pretty limited.]
“Everything was fine until I became the Overlord of the Seven Seas.”
[That’s a lot better than I expected. Rewind the details for me.]
“My first memory is hatching from an egg. As a Zoea larva, I was just food for other creatures, and many of my siblings were eaten.”
※ Zoea is the initial larval stage of a hermit crab.
[That sounds like a battlefield, but it’s actually just perfectly normal. The world is harsh. Skip ahead a bit.]
“After I successfully defeated the Ruler of Purgatory, Glasray, the nemesis of the former Hero, Leitzenbel—”
[It’s like you switched channels while fast-forwarding. Fine, give me a digest version starting from the larval stage.]
“I survived the initial competition, found my first home, said goodbye to the sea where I was born, went on an adventure, and had a duel with the Hero—”
[There! From ‘saying goodbye to the sea’ to the ‘duel with the Hero,’ give me the details.]
“Well, after the tragic death of my lover, the Sea Goddess Lactosha, I became a demon of vengeance—”
[Let’s rewind a little more. From the ‘first home’ and ‘goodbye to the sea’ part.]
“The Restora Undersea Temple, a relic of the ancient war of the gods and an OOPArt of the era, where the Sea Goddess Lactosha was imprisoned… deciding to make her my first base of operations, and in exchange for the life of my master, the Sockeye Salmon Sensei, I was taught the Purgatory Hellfire Thunderous Underworld Kick, which I used as a weapon to engage in a fierce battle with the temple’s absolute guardian, Levia-kun—”
[So, a home wasn’t just a shell to you? I guess I have no choice but to listen from the very beginning.]
“My first memory is from when I hatched from my egg. In the zoea larva stage, I was nothing but food for other creatures. Most of my siblings became just that—snacks.”
[How frustrating, but do try to endure it. Continue.]
“I barely managed to survive and grew large enough to be seen by the human eye. While I was living on the beach, I was picked up by the Hero of that era, Leitzenbel-sama. This was due to the influence of the option you gave me, [Forge a Bond with the Hero].”
[Wait, that sudden plot twist was my fault?]
“The Hero who picked me up felt a strange sense of destiny and chose me as his adventuring partner.”
[So a disaster was born from an option I just threw on haphazardly…]
“Then, due to the influence of your other option, [Become the Hero’s Strongest Weapon], I, who was equipped by the Hero, awakened as the Strongest Hermit Crab.”
[I really should have double-checked those options…]
“However, after shattering mountains, splitting the seas, and tearing the clouds asunder, the Hero suddenly snapped back to his senses. He wondered, ‘Why is it a hermit crab?'”
[I wish he had noticed that at the very first stage.]
“The Hero tried to let go of me, but due to your option [Cursed Weapon], he couldn’t release me or throw me away.”
[I feel like the God of that world is going to be very angry with me soon.]
“Left with no choice, we struck a compromise: he would maintain ownership but leave me in the care of the sea. Then, the Hero set off on his journey once again.”
[I’m relieved he managed to find a loophole in that curse.]
“Well, as a side effect, 90% of the Hero’s power remained with me.”
[Life really isn’t that sweet, is it?]
“After that, I lived as a seemingly ordinary hermit crab harboring 90% of the Hero’s power. One day, I discovered an undersea temple.”
[I definitely wouldn’t want to run into a ‘seemingly ordinary hermit crab’ holding 90% of a Hero’s power. Didn’t you have a duel after that?]
“Are we fast-forwarding that far?”
[No, please continue. I can only see a future where the Hero loses anyway.]
“The undersea temple was incredibly beautiful, and at the end of my infiltration, I found the Goddess of the Sea, Lactosha-sama. Her figure was… well, much better than yours, Goddess-sama.”
[I’m sentencing you to become a stuffed specimen later.]
“Crap, you still kept going?”
[Now then, please continue with your ‘souvenir for the afterlife.’]
“Thinking she felt like a standard heroine, I took action to rescue Lactosha-sama and turn the undersea temple into our love nest.”
[You are a scumbag in such a refreshingly honest way.]
“However, I was intercepted by the giant guardian, a massive sea dragon 300 meters long named Levia-kun. I was left with near-fatal injuries.”
[I forgot to mention this earlier, but your naming sense is incredibly lazy.]
“The Hero of that world was a ‘can-not-swim’ type, so you probably thought no one would go into the ocean.”
[Ah, the classic ‘circumstances of the gods.’]
“I managed to take out Levia-kun’s right eye, and we called it a draw, postponing the match for another day.”
[Poor Levia-kun, having his eye taken by a ‘seemingly ordinary hermit crab.’]
“While I was washed up on the beach with my life-threatening wounds, I was saved by Benizake-shishou (Master Sockeye Salmon), who was sunbathing on the sand.”
[Sunbathing? You mean being sun-dried?]
“Benizake-shishou listened to my story and then revealed his own. Once, he was a man who roamed the wild seas, but eventually grew weary of that life. He chose to live in a mountain river with his beloved.”
[Right, they do return to the rivers to spawn.]
“But recently, the mountain suddenly collapsed, and the river was buried in debris. He lost his beloved then.”
[That was definitely the Hero’s fault! It was because of your ‘sharpness,’ wasn’t it?!]
“The two of us began training together to defeat the hated Levia-kun.”
[Even though he heard your story, he didn’t put two and two together? Truly a ‘fish-brained’ individual.]
“I’ll skip the training part, but with his dying breath, Benizake-shishou passed down his ultimate secret technique to me: the Purgatory Hellfire Thunderous Underworld Kick.”
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT gadgetizedpanda.net
[Late Remark #2: That does not sound like a move a fish would invent. And did you just skip the part where your Master died?]
“Then came the rematch with Levia-kun. My pride-and-joy pincers decapitated him, and I claimed victory.”
[I really wanted you to win with the ‘Purgatory Great Flame Thunderous Underworld Kick.’]
“After the victory, I successfully rescued Lactosha-sama and made her my lover.”
[Even if he saved her, making a hermit crab her boyfriend… that Sea Goddess is a bit of a psycho.]
“Lactosha-sama and I intended to spend a happy life together. But a problem arose at the ‘equipping’ stage.”
[I’ll thank you for your consideration in using the word ‘equipping’ to keep it vague.]
“Well, they are quite similar, aren’t they? Equipping (Sobi) and Mating (Kobi).”
[I’m going to stuff you as a specimen while your internal organs are still being scooped out.]
“The level of this bad ending just went up!”
[So, what was the problem?]
“Because I possessed the causality of both options—[Strongest Weapon] and [Cursed Weapon]—I had become a dangerous hermit crab that no one but the Hero could ‘equip’.”
[Oops. Once again, it’s my fault.]
“Lactosha-sama, who equipped me, weakened before my very eyes and lost her life. I wanted to ‘enjoy’ things at least once…”
[I will pretend I didn’t hear that last sentence.]
“I couldn’t bring myself to resent a Goddess. So, I decided to resent the Hero who released me into the sea despite knowing how I worked.”
[It’s mostly my fault, but thank you for interpreting it so conveniently.]
“To seek revenge on the Hero Leitzenbel, I said goodbye to the sea and set out on a journey.”
[The rapid developments up to this point have mostly been my fault, but it’s quite the spectacle.]
“However, I was a hermit crab. At first, I struggled because I couldn’t eat properly on land.”
[Suddenly you’re acting like a ‘normal hermit crab.’ Too little, too late.]
“But I avoided starvation by eating the wild plants growing in the mountains.”
[To think your hobbies from your previous life would be useful even as a crab.]
“By the way, this is what I looked like back then.”
[Don’t snap your fingers to bring up a monitor. You really are just a normal hermit crab.]
“No, look at these pincers. Don’t they look like they’re shaped for harvesting wild greens?”
[Just continue already. I’m not giving you a chance to redeem yourself.]
“And so, I walked the land, boarded carriages, was snatched up by birds to fly through the sky, and successfully crossed the continent.”
[You were naturally in danger of being eaten there.]
“I had many encounters and partings during this trip. Do you want to hear about them?”
[Only the parts with characters who might show up later.]
“Basically, everyone died after ‘equipping’ me, so we can probably skip it.”
[My options are doing more harm than I thought.]
“Then, finally, the fated duel with the Hero Leitzenbel began.”
[A ‘destiny’ with a hermit crab… he’s going to have a hard time explaining that.]
“Are you trying to make a pun with ‘Destiny’ (Shukumei) and ‘Hermit Crab’ (Yadokari)? Like ‘Shaku-mei’ (Explanation)?”
[I hate reincarnated people with good intuition.]
“Setting that aside, the fierce battle with Leitzenbel lasted for three days and three nights.”
[For someone who had 90% of his power stolen, that Hero fought quite well.]
“The result was a draw.”
[You stole 90% of his power and you only managed a draw? Are you a weakling?]
“Consider the size difference! Common sense dictates a human and a hermit crab shouldn’t be on equal footing!”
[You beat a 300-meter Levia-kun, didn’t you?!]
“Besides, the Hero used the same secret technique: the Purgatory Great Flame Thunderous Underworld Kick.”
[Why can a Hero use a Sockeye Salmon’s secret technique?!]
“Apparently, our powers did some weird ‘causality-vroom-vroom’ thing and it was just… sort of passed on.”
[That’s definitely my option’s fault, but your explanation is terrible.]
“Our fists crossed, and it was a double knockdown. We both collapsed on the grass and laughed together.”
[I request an illustration of ‘fists crossing.’ And once again, the secret technique wasn’t the finisher!]
“Here it is.”
[Whoa, they really are crossing. You weren’t lying.]
“I wouldn’t lie about this.”
[But these are pincers.]
“And so, we reconciled. We let everything that happened in the past wash away into the sea.”
[My comments were washed away too. Poor Lactosha-sama gets no closure.]
“She was floating after she died, though.”
[Shut up.]
“Then, I was recognized by Leitzenbel-sama, and he entrusted the rest of his Hero’s power to me.”
[He entrusted it to a hermit crab? He really lost his mind.]
“Well, I did have the most ‘Hero power’ already.”
[Because of my option!]
“However, Leitzenbel, who had completely lost his power as a Hero, lost his life protecting a small village from an attack by Glasray, the ruler of Purgatory and a high-ranking aide to the Demon King.”
[Good, good. The plot is finally catching up.]
“At that time, to make the world recognize me as a Hero, I had gone to retrieve the ‘Hero’s Armor’—said to be equipable only by a Hero—at the bottom of a 1,000-floor mega-dungeon.”
[Even if you reached it, there’s no way you could wear it.]
“While I was agonizing over being disqualified by the height requirement at the entrance, I heard the tragic news of Leitzenbel.”
[You didn’t even get inside!]
“Rather than making a name for myself as a Hero, I headed for Purgatory to avenge my friend.”
[You just couldn’t get into the dungeon.]
“And with the Purgatory Great Flame Thunderous Underworld Kick, I successfully atomized Glasray’s entire body, making him regret taking Leitzenbel’s life.”
[You finally used the kick! And the power is terrifying! How are you still alive after the Hero used that on you?]
“His passing was just like Benizake-shishou’s.”
[I bet you used the ‘Purgatory Great Flame Thunderous Underworld Kick’ on Benizake-shishou too, didn’t you?]
“But since I had abandoned the trial to become a Hero right before it happened, the public wouldn’t recognize me as a Hero.”
[I think it would have been difficult for a hermit crab even without that.]
“I had no choice, so I decided to rule the seas.”
[The scale of your ‘no choice’ is massive. Well, having big ambitions is good.]
“As revenge against the humans who wouldn’t recognize me as a Hero, I took control of the sea routes and tormented them by charging a transit tax.”
[So close. Give me back my praise.]
“And I used that tax money to clean up the oceans that humans had polluted.”
[Hmm. You don’t have to give it back—no, wait, give it back.]
“The sea is divided into seven regions. To rule them all, conflict with the respective rulers was unavoidable.”
[I doubt anyone would just say ‘Sure’ when a hermit crab tells them to hand over the ocean.]
“But they were no match for me, the one who possessed the Purgatory Great Flame Thunderous Underworld Kick, which only the legitimate successor to the Demon King can use.”
[So Benizake-shishou was the legitimate successor to the Demon King?!]
“And thus, I became the Overlord of the Seven Seas.”
[We finally made it back to the beginning. It’s been smooth sailing… has it?]
“Basically, I didn’t lose any battles.”
[Come to think of it, you only had two draws. So, what problem occurred after that?]
“At the young age of fifteen, I ruled the seven seas and had no enemies. Humans feared my existence and paid the transit tax without being able to lift a finger.”
[That was a fairly intense fifteen years.]
“Yes. And that’s when I reached the end of my life.”
[Ah, there’s the ‘normal hermit crab’ element.]
※ Note: Pet hermit crabs have a lifespan of 10 to 20 years.
“I never thought I’d die of old age so normally.”
[You were a normal hermit crab, after all. Aside from the weird Hero power.]
“So, because I died with my dream only half-finished, I came back.”
[I feel like ruling the seven seas is a pretty big achievement of a dream.]
“I never got to be ‘equipped’ by a woman.”
[In the end, it was just lust. By the way, do you have a souvenir?]
“It’s the Seven-Herb Rice Porridge that was supposed to be my last supper.”
[So you kept up your hobby of gathering wild plants.]
“It’s my masterpiece, made with the last of my strength in that world. If it’s delicious, could you maybe spare me from the capital punishment?”
[I’m impressed you could make this as a hermit crab. …It’s delicious.]
“Yes!”
[I didn’t say I’d forgive you.]
“No way…”
[But since the taste was good, I’ll spare you the ‘scooping out the organs’ part.]
“Yes! …Wait, can I really say ‘yes’ to that?”
[Reflect on your actions as a specimen for a while.]
“Ah, if possible, keep me in my hermit crab form.”
[Did you grow attached to it? Very well.]
“No, the ‘angle’ seems like it would be better.”
[I’m putting you in a box.]
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lovely, thank you for the chapter