Thanks to Meerkat for helping with the translation
Chapter 3 “Wanderer of the Underworld”
The penetration rate of electric vehicles in Japan is merely less than 5%.
Since domestic major automobile manufacturers boast high market shares in the country, and considering the climate, it’s predicted that it will take considerable time for EVs to truly spread in Japan.
Japan is a snow country. The proportion of heavy snow areas that experience severe snowfall covers half of the nation’s land.
Japan even monopolizes the top three spots in the world’s annual snowfall rankings. In such harsh environments that differ from other countries’ circumstances, there’s no doubt that EVs are nothing more than a pipe dream.
The rapid global EV shift has also temporarily hit the brakes. As long as one lives in Japan, hybrid vehicles currently have the advantage in terms of convenience. The road to complete EV adoption is still far off.
Sitting in the passenger seat of the hybrid SUV that Mom is driving, I’m not worried about the future of the automotive industry—I’m Kokonoe Yukito. What I’m worried about is something entirely different.
I’m troubled. Endlessly troubled. I accompanied Mom on a grocery shopping trip at her request, but honestly, I’ve been troubled the whole time. We’re already on our way back now, but I could say I was troubled even before we left.
“What’s wrong? Do you have some kind of problem? Making such a face that tickles my maternal instincts like that.”
I’m definitely not tickling anything, but there’s no helping it. I steel myself and ask Mom.
“I was debating whether to say this or not, but what’s with that outfit?”
I had been averting my eyes until now, but I turn my gaze toward Mom, who’s driving.
“What do you mean? It’s the maid outfit you made for me.”
Mom declares this as if it’s perfectly natural. As if it’s perfectly natural. Is it perfectly natural?
With a chignon at the back of her head, wearing chain-linked round glasses (non-prescription), dressed in a maid outfit with white stockings—Mom in her ultimate perfect maid specification is driving the car.
My surroundings are being invaded by unreality. Is this two-dimensional? What exactly is reality…?
“…Why have you been wearing it constantly lately?”
Currently, the Iwakura Delegation is producing maid outfits for the cultural festival, but separately and in parallel, I was also making a maid outfit. When I somehow managed to complete one, Mom took quite a liking to it and has been wearing it constantly. She even cooks in the maid outfit normally. It’s seriously startling.
Considering its original purpose, it might be just right as work clothes, but the sense of incongruity can’t be wiped away. Incidentally, Yuuri-san once tried to fry karaage while wearing a naked apron, and when oil splattered, she went “Hot!” She’s clumsy. Ever since then, naked aprons have been banned in our household.
“If you’re going to say that, your outfit is pretty something too…”
Mom tilts her head in a troubled manner. My outfit consists of a patterned collared shirt, sunglasses, and gold necklaces jangling all over—quite the getup. I chose adult clothing so I wouldn’t be surprising when walking with a maid, but I drew an absurd amount of attention. A complete failure.
“But, well… if I had to say…”
Her voice drops just a little. Mom’s gaze remained fixed ahead.
“I might have been struck by a sense of emptiness.”
“Emptiness? Mom—the super career woman whose furious winds make even crying children fall silent?”
I’m dumbfounded by the unexpected words. Mom is currently busy moving toward independence. She has a mountain of things to do. But conversely, these should also be days filled with fulfillment.
“Of course, work is important. What I’ve done so far, challenges in new things, building my career and growing. In that sense, it might be smooth sailing. …But…”
The light turns red and the car stops. Mom turns toward me.
“That’s not me as a mother. As a mother, I haven’t built any career at all. Even though I have two children, I’m still perpetually a beginner. Before I knew it, you had grown so much without my knowledge, and I know almost nothing about that process. The precious memories that should exist between Yukito and me, the shared past we should have—we don’t have any. That fact is very painful and heartbreaking for me.”
The light turns green and the car starts moving again. Smooth acceleration, being a hybrid and all.
I vaguely understand what she wants to say. She might lack confidence in herself as a mother.
Come to think of it, I remember her saying she would come cheer at the sports festival. Before that, she also said she wanted to start over as a mama. Mom desires it—significance as a mother.
“Now I think it’s frustrating. Sekka has so many more memories with you. Photos and videos too—that girl is very diligent, so I’m always just sadly shown them afterward. I can only be a bystander enviously watching the finished past, wondering what I’m doing, what’s truly important. And you must be troubled too, being told such things now.”
We arrive home and park in the parking space. Maid Mom’s driving technique is first-rate.
“Maybe I’m regretting the weight of irretrievable time. …Sorry, okay?”
Her graceful features distort. She shows a very sad smile tinged with regret.
“There’s still plenty of time ahead.”
Empty encouragement. We both knew that—Mom and I.
A one-way street with no turning back. Things that cannot be recovered certainly exist. The time limit for being a child is approaching. When you become an adult, you eventually leave your parents’ protection.
“That’s right.”
Past days hold no meaning. No matter how many gigawatts you put into it, you can’t get in a car, go to the past, and change history. Only the present and future can be changed.
A brief silence. Memories can’t be overwritten. The things Mom wishes she could have done for little me as a mother will never come true. Impossible pipe dreams.
Things that the grown-up me doesn’t need, and that I don’t need either.
That’s why she yearns. That’s why she’s unfulfilled. Mom can’t feel it—her own necessity.
In the end, this is also my fault. The fact that I’ve never needed Mom is now making her so unstable. She’s at a loss with her deep affection having nowhere to direct itself.
Recently, Mom’s doting has been intensifying—that’s probably a side effect of this. The reason I’m letting things be is because I hope it might cheer Mom up even a little.
I want to emphasize this point—it’s definitely not something I desire.
We get out of the car and start walking. What I need to say is crystal clear.
“So, about that maid outfit?”
How being struck by emptiness leads to wearing a maid outfit is completely disconnected.
“Ah, this? When I wear this outfit, somehow I feel like I must serve. Strangely, a spirit of service wells up from deep in my chest. And when I think that person is you, I can feel warm and fulfilled, and since it’s an outfit you made for me, I feel wrapped in love.”
“So you discovered your true calling before changing careers…”
Mom had awakened to a spirit of service. Is it like that thing where police officers get switched on when they put on their uniforms? Occupational uniforms have such intangible passive effects imbued in them.
Oh no. Having Mom wear the maid outfit might have been a mistake. Her pre-existing caring nature seems to be excessively boosted by the maid outfit. What a troublesome situation!
“When I’m wearing this outfit, I’m a maid. I’ll follow any order.”
Maid Mom pressures me with sparkling eyes saying “Give me some order?”
Morally speaking, a child giving orders to a parent—such a thing should never happen.
In this world, hierarchical relationships are important. Rather, it’s an adult’s responsibility to scold children.
Teaching manners, courtesy, and morals to children is an adult’s role. Education is important.
Looking at my outfit again, I look incredibly thuggish. I should be scolded.
When you go delinquent and turn to misconduct, it’s hard to reform. Now is the time for an adult to sharply scold a child and guide them to the right path. We can’t have a delinquent emerge from the Kokonoe family.
For me, who has never been scolded by Mom, this is a once-in-a-lifetime embarrassing yet happy scolding experience.
Here, let me make some ill-mannered remark that will make Mom furious and get her worked up.
“Hoh? You really will follow any order? Then go relieve yourself at that telephone pole. Like a shameless female dog. You’re not worthy of a maid’s position. Kuhahahahahaha!”
“I understand.”
Mom lifts the hem of her skirt and starts to walk. She intends to commit this barbaric act.
“Wait, that was a lie, sorry, I was wrong, it was a joke, so please definitely stop!?”
I was expecting to be berated, but instead she agreed, and I frantically stop Mom.
Normally she’d slap me and get angry saying “Don’t mess around,” right!? Am I the one who’s wrong!?
“I want to serve, I want to provide service, I want to do anything, I want to be relied on, I want to be spoiled, haa haa…”
“Is she having some kind of dangerous attack episode!?”
I frantically rub Mom’s back. While taking care of her, I had one thought.
At least I feel more healed and comfortable with the current Mom, who smiles more, than the old Mom who would just cloud her face and worry. That’s fine. What matters is the present, not the past.
We’re changing. Both Mom and I.
“I might try negotiating to participate in some event at the sports festival.”
“…Yeah. I’m looking forward to it.”
Slowing down the speed of flowing time just a little might not be so difficult.
When we returned to the apartment with Mom, who was suffering from a mysterious attack, there was a banner standing in front of the entrance.
“What’s this…? [New Machine Arrival]?… New machine?”
I thought it might be a misdelivered package, but that possibility seems slim. It’s not a package but a banner, and it’s firmly tied and fixed in front of the entrance. Harassment?
It’s completely incomprehensible. I thought Mom must be confused too and turned around.
“W-w-w-well!? I-I don’t know anything about it! I wonder what it could be!”
“I’ve never seen someone so bad at maintaining composure.”
How obvious. Apparently Mom has some idea about this. Honestly, I have nothing but bad feelings about this.
When I open the entrance with a click, a familiar figure appears with thumping footsteps.
“Welcome to Parlor Kokonoe! Come, I was waiting for you, Yuki-chan.”
“Sekka-san? And what exactly is that appearance? Parlor Kokonoe?”
The development of mystery upon mystery is beyond my comprehension. The one waiting was Sekka-san, Mom’s sister and my aunt. She often comes to our house, but today for some reason she’s wearing what looks like a uniform—a dress shirt with a vest and an extremely short skirt.
Her healthy, beautiful legs with supple muscle tone were asserting themselves to the fullest.
Without anyone answering my questions, Sekka-san looks at maid Mom with half-closed eyes.
“What kind of outfit are you wearing, Nee-san? Don’t tell me you went out dressed like that?”
“I don’t want to hear that from you.”
Sekka-san probably came here normally dressed like that too. They’re equally dangerous individuals.
“What are two grown adults doing at the entrance?”
Yuuri-san pokes her head out. She should be the most sensible person in our household—but she wasn’t.
“…I think Yuuri is the worst of all.”
Mom was exasperated. I was exasperated with Mom too, but Nee-san is a monster that surpasses her.
“Didn’t you say it was incomplete?”
“Really? I think this is complete as it is. In an avant-garde artistic way. I mean, fashion shows are just exposure contests anyway, right? This is the same thing.”
“Don’t ever think you can set foot on French soil again!”
Sorry to people in the fashion industry. Either way, I want to avoid overseas travel due to the weak yen.
What Yuuri-san is wearing, while making terrible disses in all directions, is the maid outfit (incomplete) under construction. What Mom is wearing is the first maid outfit I made, but after pouring in massive amounts of frills to make it a luxurious one-off specification, I ran out of materials like fabric, so the second one only had individual parts made. It’s far from complete and was abandoned.
It only has sleeves and cuffs, a tiny skirt, and an apron, but Yuuri-san is wearing it.
It’s not even a maid outfit—it doesn’t even have the form of clothing. There’s obviously insufficient fabric coverage.
Every part of her body is swaying. The one and only Yuuri-san whose allure power never changes.
“I don’t know since I haven’t measured, but haven’t they gotten bigger again?”
“Because you knead them intensely every night.”
“This girl is making sudden false accusations right off the bat!?”
This is like the Reiwa era’s Watergate scandal.
“Because you suck on them intensely every night.”
“That’s not the part I’m pointing out as a false accusation.”
No touch, no life.
“I’ll give you a cyclone treatment later.”
I made a firm vow to thoroughly clean the house. Hellish army. Wait, that’s different…
“I always think this, but is the temperature in this house really that high?”
Maybe I should lower the air conditioning temperature setting. Why are they always lightly dressed?
“Speaking of outfits, yours is pretty something too.”
“Eh?”
The gold necklaces clinked and jangled.
Domineering and sitting imposingly in the living room is a slot machine radiating overwhelming presence.
“Just when online casinos are being problematized in society these days…”
“Oh my, Yuki-chan. It’s offline. There’s no problem at all, so don’t worry♪”
Sekka-san claps her hands and shows a beaming smile. Is that the issue?
“Gambling is prohibited in Japan…”
“Let me teach you something good. The legal definition of gambling is the exchange of money. What we’re betting here is each other’s burning desires, so it doesn’t fall under gambling. You learned something, didn’t you?”
“Yuuri-san is smart!”
“Fufu.”
I don’t think this is a time for laughing, but don’t bet such things!
To escape from harsh reality, I investigated thoroughly and found the target is [property].
This means that even beyond money, if you bet high-value property, it constitutes gambling, but no matter what, claiming that intangible desires are property is impossible. They can’t be converted to monetary value.
Therefore, a cruel conclusion emerges. After careful consideration, the result is [no problem].
“Really? Is there really no problem…?”
I can’t shake the feeling that there’s a trap lurking somewhere. Am I the one who’s wrong!?
“If you put it that way, there are pachinko parlors openly operating in front of stations. That’s illegal, right?”
“We can’t go any further than that.”
Mom touches on the darkness of the three-store system, but going deeper might get us erased by state power.
“I bought a used actual machine and had the detailed parts customized. Ah, but I made the video and reels myself. Because I was thoroughly particular about it, it became a masterpiece.”
“I want to acknowledge that obsession as amazing, but I don’t want to acknowledge it—I wonder why?”
Sekka-san has always been good at that sort of thing. Recently she’s apparently making good money with video editing side work, and her skills keep improving. Having a trade is indeed the way to live.
“Look. The reel symbols are our faces. Yuki-chan’s face is there too.”
The reels seem to be composed of seven types of symbols. Each one is winking.
Apparently the Kokonoe family corresponds to small roles. So you stop the three spinning reels—left, center, right—and when you align Sekka-san’s, Nee-san’s, and Mom’s symbols, you get a payout.
“Hey, what about me?”
“Yuki-chan is cherry. So you get a payout with just one. What a deal!”
“Should I interpret this as malicious?”
Sure, I’m a cherry, but I never expected to be teased like this!
“Eventually I will, you know? Come on, Yuki-chan, take a seat. It’s a safe and secure setting 6.”
I feel like I heard some tremendous statement, but pursuing it would lead to self-destruction.
“Even if you say start, I don’t have a single medal.”
You don’t use cash for home slots. How do you exchange medals?
While I was wondering, the three’s eyes glinted suspiciously. This is bad…
“It’s a service. One kiss for a hundred medals.”
Yuuri-san informed me. I casually let it slide.
“I’d like to give you about a thousand medals, but sorry, okay?”
Mom, who only seems apologetic in attitude. She’s smiling.
“Yuki-chan. Here, go ahead?”
Sekka-san is fully prepared. A peaceful afternoon. I had no escape route.
“Well then, let’s do this!”
With renewed determination, I steel myself. I have three hundred medals in hand. Since one game consumes three medals, I can simply play a hundred games by calculation. However, when converting a hundred games to time, it would be over in just under ten minutes. Without any payouts, it would end in the blink of an eye.
I insert the medals, pull the lever with a clunk, and the reels start spinning.
Light-hearted sound effects, dizzying spinning reels. But systematically, there’s no point in getting fired up to line up the symbols here. The lottery is drawn internally the moment you pull the lever.
I should just casually press in order. Rhythmically tapping the buttons from left – pon pon pon.
In the first place, with home slot machines, even if you work hard at timing rare combinations to prevent missing them, the medals don’t come back as real money. This kind of game only gets serious and thrilling because real money is at stake. Games without risk inevitably lack excitement.
“Ah, Mom lined up.”
A small winning combination is achieved. Along with pleasant sound effects, nostalgic footage of me flows by.
“This is…”
“Surprised, Yuki-chan? When you line up symbols, my Yuki-chan collection plays. You don’t usually get many chances to look back on memories, right? Nee-san and Yuuri-chan said they wanted to see too, so I made it so you can enjoy it while playing like this.”
Sekka-san had such gentle eyes. The footage shows me when I was attending kindergarten.
Mom was busy with work, so Sekka-san would keep me company. Sekka-san probably didn’t want to look after a child either. But the Sekka-san in my memories was always smiling.
“I caused you trouble back then.”
“I never thought of it as trouble. Thanks to Yuki-chan, I was happy.”
I couldn’t do anything back then. Just a troublesome burden who got in everyone’s way.
“You had such an expressionless face even from that age. Well, that’s what made you cute though.”
“If you say that, Yuuri-chan was quite unfriendly too, you know?”
“Hah, no way.”
Yuuri-san snorts through her nose. Sekka-san smiles wryly. Nostalgic shared memories of the past.
–Except for the one exception among them.
“…I couldn’t even go to the parent-child field trip with you.”
Sekka-san actively participated in events and various school functions as Mom’s substitute.
I have memories to share with Sekka-san, but there are hardly any memories between Mom and me.
That’s probably become a complex for Mom. The reason Mom, who now has time to spare, is especially eager to dote on me is likely the flip side of that complex.
That’s exactly why I can’t bring myself to scold maid Mom. If that’s what Mom wants to do, I’ll just go along with it until she’s satisfied, until her heart clears–sharing time together.
“Ah, now Sekka-san lined up.”
The next footage plays. Sekka-san and elementary school me are having a Christmas party.
By this time, there aren’t many memories with Yuuri-san either. I look bored, but I’m just expressionless while actually enjoying myself, so there’s no need to worry. I wasn’t particularly waiting for Christmas presents, so even if someone pointed a gun at me, I wouldn’t get furious at Mom.
“Christmas with just the two of us, that’s nostalgic…”
Sekka-san’s eyes grow distant. Even with just two people, it wasn’t lonely. A modest celebration.
“Speaking of which, Yuki-chan, is there any present you want for Christmas?”
How early to bring this up. It’s not something to discuss in autumn, but I’m certainly not at an age to innocently rejoice over Christmas presents, and when asked what I want, I’m not short on money. That’s it!
“I want a little sister!”
Look at this. When it comes to the older group, all they think about is teasing me. Same-age friends like Hinagi-cchi and Shiori-cchi don’t say unreasonable things, and Kikyo-chan and Hiori-chan look up to me cheerfully.
For me, younger people are a healing presence. Please continue growing up adorably like this.
“S-such a thing!? I’d like to grant that wish, but finding a partner…”
Maid Mom was in despair, pacing back and forth. Hey, it’s troubling when you take it seriously…
After that, I continue to steadily hit small winning combinations and earn medals. When I collect one thousand, two thousand, three thousand medals, apparently I can exchange them for prizes. When I asked Yuuri-san what the prizes were, she said I can exchange them for various costumes. Could it be that I’m the one who made those? I wonder why they didn’t make it a medal-free unnecessary machine – it’s heavy and gets in the way…
“Alright, Cherry Yukito-kun!”
While the four of us are watching footage and reminiscing, Cherry Yukito-kun stops in the center of the left reel. When I say it myself, it just sounds like sad self-deprecation. The chatting stops abruptly.
“It’s finally here! Yuki-chan, big bonus entry!”
Sekka-san gets excited. The slot machine flashes brilliantly, and the BGM builds up the excitement.
“What should I do with this?”
“Aim for the jackpot! It only hits during big bonus!”
The big bonus continues until reaching the specified payout number.
Before finishing it, I definitely want to hit the jackpot [777].
“Hm? Isn’t there no 7 on the reels? I don’t think I’ve ever seen one…”
Even straining my eyes at the spinning reels, I can’t find a 7 anywhere.
“The biggest highlight of this slot machine – the jackpot symbol is [π]!”
“It’s true! Looking closely, it’s not 7 but π!?”
What an outrageous slot machine they’ve developed… Endless desire and obsession.
In other words, this is a top-secret sexy slot machine. Only playable at the home casino.
Suddenly, tension rises. To line up the jackpot [πππ], precise timing is essential.
I moisten my throat with the tea maid Mom poured. Impossible tension for a home slot machine.
Steeling myself, I press the left reel with perfect timing. In a split second, π in the middle row.
“Yes! Yuki-chan, being into basketball really shows in your dynamic vision!”
Sekka-san cheers excitedly beside me. The left reel shows Sekka π. Next, I aim for the middle.
“Why am I getting so heated…”
This is getting interesting. Now no one can stop me! Here!
“It’s coming, it’s coming, it’s here!”
“I always believed you could do it.”
I line up Yuuri π right in the center of the middle reel. Now there’s only one left… Take this!
“Fuhahahaha! How’s that! With my skills, this is nothing!”
In the middle row of the right reel shines a brilliant Ouka π. Perfect jackpot [πππ] achieved.
“Congratulations, Yuki-chan!”
Along with congratulations, crackers go off with a grand pan-paka-paan. Completely satisfied with the flashy performance.
While being hugged by Sekka-san, the jackpot footage begins to play.
“Mom?”
Probably a hotel room – Mom is sitting on a bed, being filmed from the front.
Q: First, please introduce yourself.
[I’m called Kokonoe Ouka. I’m in a family of three, and my age is… undisclosed.]
Q: You mentioned being sexually frustrated.
[I can feel the desire to be spoiled getting stronger day by day.]
Q: Are you having excess maternal instincts?
[It’s throbbing. It’s strange at this age, isn’t it?]
Q: Are you nervous?
[Yes, I’m not very used to this…]
Subtitles appear on screen, and Mom in the video calmly answers the displayed questions.
This footage is quite different from before, stimulating my curiosity – I’m also very interested.
Q: Is this your first time doing something like this?
[Of course. Usually I’m too busy to…]
Q: Have you been neglected because of work?
[No comment on that.]
Q: Were you looking forward to it?
[I had a little expectation…]
Q: You’re being stared at intently.
[Oh no… how embarrassing.]
Q: Can you tell us your number of partners?
[Eh!? That’s private, so I’m sorry.]
Q: So you’re innocent then.
[That’s not true. I’m already at a proper age.]
Q: You’re still quite young though.
[I’m just forcing myself. Ah, but my son always tells me I’m beautiful.]
Q: Are you mentally prepared?
[…I’ll do my best to make you happy.]
Q: Well then, shall we undress?
[Yes.]
Mom stands up from the bed and reaches for her clothes–and there the footage cuts off.
“What the hell is this obscene video!?”
BANG – I slam the machine and stand up from my chair. This is terrible! No matter what, this is too much!
Who’s the director!? Bring whoever wrote this ridiculous script here right now!
“You there! Is this the time to be blushing!?”
Maid Mom is blushing and looking down. You’ve crossed the line. You’ve finally crossed it, you bastards!?
“Yuki-chan, I’m the cameraman so don’t worry!”
“What part of this footage has any reassuring elements!?”
If anything, it was nothing but ominous! What happens to Mom after this!?
“But but, weren’t you curious about the continuation?”
“Of course I am! I’m so curious my eyes are wide open and I won’t be able to sleep at night!”
Wait a minute? Only Mom appeared in the footage. Don’t tell me there are three of these?
“Yuuri-san?”
“My part is properly there too, so don’t worry.”
“Do you all perhaps not know the meaning of the word ‘worry’!?”
Wheeze wheeze. A wave of fatigue washes over me. Family bonding, new era arrival.
“Why are you silent?”
I ask maid Mom who’s trembling and desperately holding back.
“Shame is hitting me now, or rather…”
“Even though quite some time has passed since filming!”
So you were fine until now. What have you three been conspiring to do behind my back…
Being excluded from the family is preferable, but I’m suffering tremendous damage.
“I got carried away. I’m reflecting on it.”
Maid Mom looks dejected. When she makes that face, I can’t complain.
“I’m not angry, but are you really reflecting?”
“I’m sorry. I got swept up by Sekka’s sweet words. Can I sleep with you tonight?”
“Right, so you’re not reflecting at all.”
She doesn’t seem to have any intention of reflecting whatsoever. On the contrary, she’s making bold demands, taking advantage of the situation.
A despicable trap. Here, no matter whether I answer YES or NO, the final conclusion is inevitably YES.
“Geez! Mom is too selfish. Today is my turn.”
“It’s fine. You could let me have it.”
“Huh? Oba-san, just how shameless are you?”
“What a sharp-tongued little girl.”
While maid Mom and Yuuri-san are arguing, Sekka-san explains to me.
“So Yuki-chan won’t get bored, I recorded six hours worth of jackpot footage.”
“That sounds like it goes up to Season 4!?”
Six hours means probably two hours per person. What on earth happens after that flow…
Too curious about the continuation, I line up [πππ] again during the continuing big bonus.
Q: First, please introduce yourself.
[Kokonoe Yuuri. I’ll say this upfront – my lifetime partner count is decided to be one person.]
“I just saw this development!”
Now Yuuri-san’s footage plays. So the continuation doesn’t play in order!?
Q: About being sexually frustrated–
[I hate beating around the bush. If we’re doing it, let’s start quickly.]
While saying that, she reaches for her clothes–and the footage cuts off abruptly.
“So short!? Don’t ignore the proceedings and do whatever you want!”
“That’s right. Yuuri-chan is just so impatient.”
Sekka-san looked troubled. I’m also troubled by Sekka-san.
“Huh? I wasn’t enthusiastic from the start. It’s boring without you there.”
“Ah, yes.”
At this rate, it’ll take over a year to watch six hours of footage, but I guess I have no choice but to patiently line up [πππ] during big bonus. –I’ll probably get bored partway through.
“I’ve properly prepared a complete set too, so enjoy it without worry.”
“Worry? What is worry? Anshin? Hanshin? Fastball down the middle…”
Even Mom starts saying “worry,” and the word loses meaning in my mind. If Gestalt collapse is a decline in symbolic cognitive ability, semantic satiation is the phenomenon where you can’t understand the meaning of words.
That’s exactly my current state. Haha.
“What’s wrong, Yuki-chan!? Your eyes are spinning!”
From concentrating too much on the spinning reels, my eyes were also spinning.
“Gotta line them up… gotta line up three πs… wait, there are six? Why…”
My brain dulls. A significant decline in thinking ability causes a major disaster.
“Gotta press. Is this the button? Wait, it’s soft…”
Boing boing boing
“Yuki-chan, you’re so aggressive ♡”
“Mmh! If you do that so much–“
“No, not there, don’t touch…”
Such bouncy buttons.
“Hah!? What on earth was I…”
I came to my senses. When I looked around, for some reason all three had sultry looks in their eyes.
“Even if I ask why you’re suddenly closing in–GYAAAAAAAAAH!”
Grab – I’m seized and dragged to the bedroom. –After this, we played slot machines like crazy.
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT gadgetizedpanda.net
“Suspicious person around here…”
I frown at the ominous words. Apparently, a suspicious person has been spotted in the area for several days.
That said, such reports weren’t particularly unusual. In the area where I live, they’ve been reported many times before. Suspicious person information is merely subjective from the person who witnessed them, and it doesn’t necessarily mean there was any direct harm. Rather, there’s usually no harm at all.
If actual damage had occurred, that wouldn’t be a suspicious person but a criminal. Usually, it’s a misunderstanding by the reporter, and it only serves to encourage caution and improve crime prevention awareness.
There have been cases where an adult who called out “be careful going home” to children walking home from school was reported as a suspicious person voice incident. It’s absurdly ridiculous, but it also shows how oversensitive society has become. While educating children not to talk to strangers, adults get angry when there are no greetings. Society pushes its contradictions onto children while adults irresponsibly pretend not to know.
“It’s… okay, right?”
This is what I heard from a neighbor I met when leaving the house to take Inukichi for a walk.
She’s someone I know by sight, with a long acquaintance. She told me to be careful too, but perhaps in her mind, rather than worry, it’s treated more like a fresh topic to add flavor to neighborhood gossip.
Normally I wouldn’t even consider it. Yet I feel a fear like my heart is being grabbed.
I can’t get the photo incident out of the corner of my mind. I’m almost possessed by the paranoid delusion that maybe the suspicious person is targeting me. I’m embarrassed by my own self-consciousness.
[?]
Spinning around in place, Inukichi urges me to hurry up and go for a walk.
“You’re right. Let’s go.”
I feel uneasy in just light clothing – a long-sleeved running wear over a sports bra.
It’s needless worry. I tell myself that as usual, there’s nothing to worry about.
“If something happens, please protect me, Inukichi?”
Inukichi raises his front paw firmly. Did he agree? My reliable knight.
As if shaking off my anxiety, I run out into the night streets with Inukichi.
“Phew…”
I check the distance I ran on my running watch. My heart rate is about right too.
“…Let’s call it here. I overdid it. I’m completely exhausted.”
Unlike me who’s exhausted and worn out, Inukichi still seems unsatisfied, but this is my limit.
My body feels heavy. But I’m wrapped in a pleasant fatigue.
I walk slowly home, cooling my flushed body. Thanks to running, the anxiety I had before going out for a walk was resolved. I haven’t been very active with exercise, but seeing it has such a good mental effect, it might be good for stress relief.
Going to a gym has too high a hurdle. For me, accompanying Inukichi on walks is just right.
The cool autumn breeze caresses my cheek. My hair sways gently. Even in this city, I can faintly hear the sound of insects. I dislike bugs, but I like just this sound – it’s pleasant to the ears.
Arriving home, just as I’m about to open the front door, Inukichi suddenly reacts.
“What’s wrong all of a sudden, Inukichi?”
When accompanying him for walks and running, I wasn’t wearing glasses. They would inevitably slip. It’s not worth buying sports glasses, and Inukichi supports my vision.
“I was waiting.”
“Eh?”
A voice suddenly rings out. In my hazy vision, a human shadow faintly visible.
The streetlight illuminates the darkness, but the light wavers fragilely. Through it, the shadow approaches me step by step. Click, click – footsteps echo. The fear I’d almost forgotten returns.
Panicking, I hurry to enter the house, but the leash is pulled taut.
“Inukichi!?”
Inukichi rushed toward the human figure. It seemed he had listened to my request.
However, Inukichi was also being exposed to danger. I didn’t know what the other party might do. Inukichi was precious family. I couldn’t make such a sacrifice. I hoped they would just back down after being barked at and intimidated, but as Inukichi approached, the human figure showed no sign of hesitation and didn’t slow their pace.
In my confusion, not knowing what to do, the human figure finally appeared before my eyes.
“Ah!”
I backed away at the bizarre sight. An incomprehensible sound escaped my lips. For the first time, I learned that when experiencing true terror, you can’t even let out a high-pitched scream. I felt like I was going to vomit my internal organs from my mouth.
In a word, it was unmistakably a suspicious person. There was no other way to describe it.
What emerged in my unclear vision was simply an eerie, grotesque man. An old man perhaps, but there was no sign of life in his expression whatsoever. A Noh mask-like expressionless face stared at me coldly.
The worst imaginings raced through my head. Would I be assaulted and violated like this? Or would I be brutally murdered? I was struck by such terror that I forgot I was right in front of my own entrance.
Unreasonableness visits everyone equally. Which way the scales of fate—luck—will tip is known only to God. If they tip toward good fortune, you might win the lottery; if toward misfortune, you might have an accident. Unavoidable destiny. That’s precisely why it’s unreasonable.
That unreasonableness was about to descend upon me. Which way would the needle of the scales tip?
“…Someone…help—”
Intermittent words in a thin, weak, hoarse voice that didn’t seem like my own.
My intuition told me that the rumored suspicious person was definitely this individual.
The fact that his appearance had been witnessed beforehand might have been reconnaissance for illegal part-time work.
If so, had my house been targeted?
The cash stored in the safe was a small amount, and my jewelry wasn’t worth much either.
Even if I suffered robbery damage, it shouldn’t result in such a major financial loss.
But life was different. I had seen his face. That surely wouldn’t turn out well.
“That’s right, Inukichi!?”
There was no sign of barking at all. Wondering what was wrong, I hurriedly turned my gaze to Inukichi.
[Kuun~]
My thoughts froze at the incomprehensible sight. When you multiply plus and plus, you get minus. So then, when you multiply unreasonableness and unreasonableness, what happens?
Inukichi was at the eerie man’s feet, showing his belly and rolling around, rubbing his body against him.
He didn’t look like he was being cautious or intimidating at all. If I wasn’t seeing things, it looked to me like Inukichi was simply being affectionate toward the eerie man.
“No…don’t come closer…”
My hopes were easily crushed by Inukichi’s unbelievable betrayal.
What would be taken from me now, and what would happen to me? My vision blurred with impending despair.
Body, money, life? What the man was after. What I could offer. An undefined inequality.
Would begging pathetically get me overlooked? Even though it would only please the man.
If this was how it would be, I should have properly conveyed my feelings earlier. To my parents, to my friends, and to him. Gratitude, apologies, and this secret I was supposed to keep hidden—
I squeezed my eyes shut in terror. I cursed God. God who wouldn’t give me even the slightest moment of time.
“What’s wrong, sensei? You have such a panicked face like a salaryman who suddenly gets stomach pain the moment he boards a packed train. That’s despair, isn’t it? One minute feels like an hour. This is apparently called the tachypsychia phenomenon. At this time, the brain is supposedly activated.”
“………………………Heh?”
The eerie man’s words were as incomprehensible as his expression.
However, there was strangely a sense of déjà vu. The unpleasant oppressive feeling I had been sensing from the man had disappeared.
“But stomach pain and heightened awareness—before that, shouldn’t you go to the toilet first?”
The eerie man roughly petted Inukichi’s belly. Inukichi was also letting himself be spoiled.
“Um…who are you?”
It didn’t seem like he would suddenly commit violence, so I mustered my courage and asked the eerie man.
“Eh? It’s me. Me me. Ah, that’s different, you know? I did say ‘me me,’ but ‘me me’ fraud is old news. With recent special fraud methods, it’s mainly romance fraud, and then there’s the representative one, fictitious billing fraud, and financial product fraud. Investment education has started in Japan too, but when it comes to investment, somehow Japanese people aren’t familiar with it—”
“What on earth are you talking about!”
I unintentionally raised my voice. But strangely, I felt no fear.
“That’s why I said it’s me.”
“Um…even if you say that…”
I was confused by the mismatched conversation. He was talking as if we were acquaintances, but there was no way such an eerie man could be someone I knew. Yet I too was beginning to feel a strange sense of familiarity.
“I’m shocked. Like a classmate who suddenly becomes distant after class changes.”
“That does happen, but…”
It might be a common adolescent experience. When the environment changes and new friendships are formed, you don’t know what to do with past friendships. It’s a rather charming problem unique to students.
However, for an eerie man to be telling such stories, it was far too removed from reality.
“Ah, maybe it’s this!”
As if he had thought of something, he clapped his hands and the eerie man put his hand to his face.
—Rip rip
“The kind you only see in spy movies!?”
Like magic, the eerie man peeled off a mask with ripping sounds.
“The wind feels cool. This was surprisingly hot.”
What appeared from under the mask was a person I knew well.
“Kokonoe-kun? Wait. Why are you in disguise!?”
It made no sense at all. He had the personality to do reckless things casually, but he wasn’t the type of student to surprise people without reason. However, conversely, if there was a reason, he was also the type of student who would surprise people without mercy.
To me, who was still wide-eyed, he declared matter-of-factly:
“Because paparazzi might be targeting us.”
I suddenly realized and quickly looked around. Kokonoe-kun was right.
In the first place, when I heard about a suspicious person, I should have been wary of that initially.
“It’s okay, sensei.”
For some reason, I felt reassured by his groundless assertion.
(What is this child…?)
The atmosphere wavered and changed. It was reminiscent of a specter floating in the dark night.
A scorching intensity that would burn you if you touched it. Kokonoe-kun was also facing the same unreasonableness. Yet he was trying to overturn it. My spine shivered with a chill.
A scene I had seen before. Without bending his knee, without stopping his resistance, just like that time, his essence hadn’t changed at all. —No. He had grown sharper, stronger, more resilient.
“Hey, stop it! You’re as energetic as a working person on Friday evening…”
Like a momentary illusion, the atmosphere I had been feeling until then disappeared.
Inukichi was climbing up Kokonoe-kun. It was quite advanced play-fighting.
“I have so many things I want to ask, but the experience was too shocking, I can’t organize my thoughts…”
Just moments ago, it had truly been a matter of life and death. Death back-to-back. My heart was still pounding violently. If I measured my heart rate now, it might exceed 150.
From motion to stillness. The swing was far too large, and my mind couldn’t keep up.
“By the way, sensei, why are you collapsed in such a place?”
At Kokonoe-kun’s observation, I looked down at my posture. I was sitting flat in front of the entrance.
Apparently, it wasn’t just my mind that couldn’t keep up, but my body as well.
“My legs gave out…”
Regular vibrations. When was the last time someone did this to me?
For a moment, a question surfaced, and I immediately dismissed it. Sweet poison was corrupting me.
“How disgraceful. I’m truly sorry.”
“I’m the one who should apologize. I’m the one who made sensei’s legs give out.”
“Don’t say it in such a lewd way!”
“I’m the one who should apologize. I’m the one who made sensei unable to stand.”
“Even changing the wording doesn’t change the nuance at all!”
Kokonoe-kun carried me on his back to my room. Bringing a student into my room at this hour was absolutely impermissible conduct for a teacher, but I couldn’t help it.
After all, I was in a precarious position that could invite suspicion. If by chance a third party were to witness us meeting outside, naturally the surrounding eyes would become harsh.
Even if the photo manipulation were proven, suspicion would continue to smolder. No one would know the truth.
(Such a sturdy back…)
He was carrying me up the stairs as if it were nothing. I was forced to realize the difference between men and women.
The heartbeat that had been trembling with fear was now resonating with a different kind of excitement.
I carefully leaned my body so he wouldn’t notice. Bringing my face close to his shoulder, I whispered fearfully in his ear.
“…Um, do I smell sweaty? I was running around with Inukichi.”
How pathetic. A grown adult worrying about such maiden-like things. If Kokonoe-kun were to say my old-age smell was terrible here, I might not recover for a while.
“If you say that, I smell like sesame oil.”
“Is that a fair comparison?”
While we were having this pointless exchange, we arrived at my room.
Feeling just a little reluctant, I was lowered onto a cushion.
My emotions had been rising and falling like a free fall, but I could finally catch my breath.
Having calmed down, my stiffness was released. I regained control of my body.
“I’ll bring you something to drink later. Oh right, I bought some pears too. Would you like some?”
“Please don’t worry about it. While carrying you, I enjoyed sensei’s pears plenty.”
I quickly covered my chest with my arms. My face turned bright red all at once.
It was hot, so I had unzipped my jacket. Underneath was just a sports bra.
Shame suddenly revived. Since Kokonoe-kun had seen various things already, it was too late now, but still, embarrassing things are embarrassing. They really are embarrassing!
“Listen, Kokonoe-kun? In these times when harassment has become a major social problem, if you don’t pay careful attention to sexual harassment, you’ll face painful consequences, you know?”
Really, this child is truly clueless about such things. I steeled my heart and gave him advice.
Even the television industry, as huge as it is, has had its long-hidden darkness exposed and is being swept by a storm of purges. His magnanimity is one of his virtues, but the world is unexpectedly harsh.
“With TV and such, it might end up like ‘And Then There Were None’ at this rate.”
That’s not entirely impossible… Though I have no way of knowing.
“Besides, if sexual harassment were a problem, everyone around me would have suffered so much retaliation they’d all be on the verge of death. The fact that Himiyama-san is perfectly fine proves there’s nothing to worry about. Kaha!”
“Here’s a victim of corrupt, worthless adults!—Wait, what’s so funny!?”
That’s right. He was also a victim who constantly received sexual harassment. Indirectly, I was also complicit, so I wasn’t in a position to speak strongly. …I’m truly remorseful.
While I was secretly taking damage from my own unexpected comeuppance, Kokonoe-kun brought up his business. I straightened my posture. There must be a reason he went to the trouble of coming here.
He probably didn’t just come to my house to play, and that eerie mask was also concerning.
“Actually, for the past few days, I’ve been patrolling around sensei’s house to see if there were any suspicious people.”
“You became the biggest suspicious person though!?”
“Come on now.”
“No, it’s not a joke! The mummy hunter became the mummy!”
What an utterly backwards situation. According to Kokonoe-kun, he had been wearing that eerie mask and searching daily for suspicious people. I could only feel grateful that he had devoted such enormous effort for my sake. But I wished he had been more creative with his methods.
The situation had devolved into the person searching for suspicious people being the suspicious person—something no one could understand. I felt foolish for having been frightened by an unknown suspicious person. At the same time, I realized something.
“The fact that you were making rounds like that means there’s a high possibility the harassment will continue, doesn’t it? That you yourself needed to hide your face?”
That eerie old man mask was apparently bought online. I’d prefer never to see it again.
However, if not only I but clearly Kokonoe-kun was also being targeted, we needed to consult the police immediately. Protecting students was my duty as a teacher.
“I was assuming the worst-case scenario, thinking ‘what if,’ but hmm…”
Kokonoe-kun groaned with a troubled expression, as if organizing information in his head. He clearly had information I didn’t know. He had come to tell me about it.
Perhaps unable to reach a conclusion, he opened his mouth as if to say “for now.”
“I found out something about the image. I’m not very knowledgeable about it, but that was—”
“AI?”
I didn’t know how to react to the unfamiliar term I was told.
“Yes. Recent cutting-edge smartphones have it built in too.”
Even someone like me who’s not good with technology had heard of it. AI technology was developing rapidly, causing various social changes. Some schools were already having AI grade tests. While it was desirable to significantly reduce teachers’ burdens, schools would need flexibility to not stick to old methods going forward.
However, I didn’t understand how that connected. It was just knowledge I’d picked up here and there.
“Using AI, you can easily create images like the one sent to sensei.”
“What does that mean…?”
I received a detailed explanation from Kokonoe-kun. I couldn’t hide my shock at the extremely radical content. If what Kokonoe-kun was saying was true, it was an extremely dangerous Pandora’s box.
“Even without specifying detailed conditions yourself, there are sites where you can easily try it out. However, to create the desired image, you need considerable knowledge. Though it’s simple.”
“It’s too dangerous! Shouldn’t such things be regulated?”
“It’s apparently called deepfake. I also think it should be regulated, but the response seems to be lagging behind. —This, this. It’s apparently considered a problem worldwide.”
Kokonoe-kun showed me news he had searched for on his smartphone. While it seemed like a distant world’s affair, it was actually becoming an imminent threat. I swallowed hard.
“I can’t believe such things are allowed…”
I scrolled through the screen and read the article. It was an extremely dangerous thing.
“I don’t think it’s allowed, but if individuals do it privately, no one would know. For example, regardless of the merits of curses, even if someone drives five-inch nails into straw dolls during the Hour of the Ox, if the person doesn’t know about it, they won’t think anything of it.”
What Kokonoe-kun was saying was reasonable. Setting emotions aside, it was just a matter of perception.
While manufacturing lethal weapons or explosives, or cultivating marijuana would constitute crimes, basically there are generally no restrictions on what individuals do. As long as it remains within private scope, there’s no way to be caught. Everyone has one or two secrets.
“However—”
“Kokonoe-kun?”
Unusually, Kokonoe-kun trailed off. He stared intently at my face.
“Whether it’s fake or not, if someone suffers harm from it, that’s different. You can file a damage report and sue the perpetrator. That’s what Goddess-sensei said. It’s up to sensei to decide what to do.”
That’s right. This case had greatly crossed the line. Even if it was fake, sending it to me was clearly criminal behavior. I could deal with it strictly and hold the perpetrator legally accountable.
Certainly, that was for me to decide. Even though Kokonoe-kun was also victimized, I was the direct target. Kokonoe-kun was leaving that judgment to me.
“Sensei. There’s one thing I want to ask.”
“What is it?”
For the usually lighthearted Kokonoe-kun, it was a cautious way of speaking.
“If the person who sent the image was someone sensei didn’t know, that would be fine. Like a stalker you can’t reason with. Well, it’s not fine at all, but there wouldn’t be lingering issues. But if it wasn’t that, if it was someone sensei knows, an acquaintance or someone like that, then… I’m wondering if you’d be okay.”
It’s not like I had never imagined that possibility. The perpetrator isn’t some random attacker. The fact that they’re sending photographs means this is clearly a personal grudge and harassment. It would be far more rational to think this is the work of someone who has at least some close relationship with me, rather than a complete stranger.
However, in such a gloomy situation, my heart was filled with very warm and peaceful feelings. Usually expressionless, and still so now, Kokonoe-kun is looking at me with apparent anxiety.
He truly cares about me from the bottom of his heart, worries about me. Sincerity. I can feel his kind feelings coming through. Having such a person by my side makes me feel both reassured and proud.
“Thank you for worrying about me.”
Age doesn’t matter. Respect wells up naturally.
“I’m sure the reason I can stay composed right now is thanks to you.”
While he ended up looking like a suspicious person with that creepy mask, the fact remains that he spent many hours day after day being vigilant for my safety. That’s not all. He’s also properly approaching the core of the problem. Tremendous initiative and action. Meanwhile, all I’ve been doing during this time is accompanying Inukichi on walks or going to the tanning salon. Kokonoe-kun is moving forward.
If I were alone, I might still be hugging my knees and cowering in fear of malice, not knowing what to do. At this rate, I can’t tell which one of us is the immature one. My chest tightens.
(The fact that I feel frustrated… makes me a sinful adult, doesn’t it……)
I can clearly understand why there are always people around him. You can’t help but be drawn to him.
Because I feel protected, I want to protect him too. I want to respond to his one-sided kindness. Because otherwise, I can’t remain his equal.
The character that people should possess. He questions like a mirror whether I’m a suitable person.
Emotions that threaten to overflow uncontrollably. At times like this, I envy Misaki-san.
She doesn’t hesitate to express her affection. She’s free. Her position doesn’t obstruct that.
(But I…)
I became a teacher because I was meant to. Without questioning that it was what I should become, following my parents’ wishes.
I do have some sense of purpose. But there’s no denying that I’ve walked straight down the rails that were prepared for me, without ever questioning anything. That’s why I stumbled. Because I was too focused on form and never seriously faced myself… And that continues even now.
“Still, what’s so good about fakes anyway……”
Kokonoe-kun grumbles with apparent boredom. Exactly right. It’s nothing but a nuisance.
“I agree. This kind of thing only hurts people.”
“That’s right. You wouldn’t need to go through the trouble of making fakes anyway—if you said you wanted to see someone naked, they’d show you. Heck, you wouldn’t even need to ask. There’s no need to waste such pointless effort–“
“First, you should learn that your common sense isn’t the world’s common sense.”
“Huh? But everyone around me strips, don’t they?”
He looks puzzled and innocent. His eyes were pure and clear like unclouded skies.
“I’m different, right? I’m not in that category, right?”
I might need to scold the people around him once. Starting with Misaki-san.
“I want to see.”
“Eh? Um… let’s calm down, shall we? What do you want to see? Should I turn on the TV?”
“Please don’t, I’m scared of bill collectors.”
Flustered, I try to change the subject, but he cuts me off sharply.
“I’ve been working really hard these past few days. That mask gets hot with all the heat trapped inside.”
“……And your point is?”
His efforts in rushing around to solve the problem are immeasurable. It’s natural to want to reward him.
“I think some compensation would be nice. By the way, Tokyo’s minimum wage is 1,163 yen.”
“Guh!”
Needless to say, giving money to students is strictly forbidden… Literally, no cash.
“I-I understand. I can manage something around Akita Prefecture’s minimum wage level……”
Akita Prefecture has the lowest in the nation at 951 yen. When I was in high school, the hourly wage was around 600 yen. Looking at it this way, it seems like the economy is growing, but in reality, take-home pay keeps decreasing, so you can tell that the people’s tax burden is somehow increasing.
“Great. Actually, there’s something I’d like to ask for at the sports festival.”
“A request?”
“Haha.”
“Don’t try to dodge with that dry laugh! What are you planning to make me do!?”
“Come on, it’s your time to shine, Inukichi!”
Inukichi comes charging with a rush of footsteps and hugs me. His training was perfect.
“I won’t give in! I won’t give in!”
After playing with Inukichi until he was satisfied, we eat sliced pears together.
“This pear is delicious.”
“It’s the autumn of appetite, after all.”
A comfortable time. Time flows slowly. I realize how troubled my heart had been. At least if I were alone, my worries would only have mounted, and I wouldn’t have been healed like this.
Suddenly remembering, I ask Kokonoe-kun.
“What was the worst-case scenario you were imagining?”
Even now we’re in an extremely precarious situation, but I was also curious about why Kokonoe-kun had gone so far as to disguise himself to look for suspicious people. Could the situation get even worse?
“Ah, that. We’re already in cyberpunk territory here, but apparently it’s possible to create not just fake images but fake videos too. But for videos, you need a certain number of source images—in this case, photos of Sensei’s face. If the culprit was aiming for that, I thought they might be paparazzi-ing Sensei somewhere, so I was investigating.”
“Such things are possible?”
The more I hear, the more dangerous it seems. There’s absolutely no way an individual can defend against this.
His hand gently overlays my trembling one. He then stabs a pear with the fork and brings it to my mouth. Even though he’s a student, the contact with the opposite sex makes my face flush uncontrollably.
“There weren’t any suspicious people, so it’s fine. If anything, I was the most suspicious one.”
Sensitively perceiving my feelings, he reassures me. What a skilled older-woman killer.
“You’re not suspicious at all. At least for me, you’re the most trustworthy person.”
I couldn’t help but say it. Maybe I wanted him to know. My true feelings.
The crunching sound of chewing echoes. Kokonoe-kun is peacefully eating his pear.
Maybe something’s wrong with me. This time is precious, and I don’t want to let it go.
“May I ask you a question too?”
“Sure. If it’s my bank account PIN, it’s 9910.”
“Cough cough! Why are you telling that to someone else!?”
I sputter and cough. It’s the most important confidential information an individual should keep secret.
“You said you trusted me, so I thought I’d show some sincerity. Ah, the 99 is taken from ‘koko’ in Kokonoe, and the 10 is taken from ‘to’ in Yukito, you know? It’s my favorite.”
“If you explain it in such detail, I can’t ask you to change it!”
Trust. I become aware of myself being happy about that word.
“So, what is it?”
Even after revealing his secret, he doesn’t seem to mind at all. Being too carefree is also problematic.
(What a troublesome child……)
I chuckle inwardly and take a deep breath. I don’t know if I should really be talking about this. Even so, I wanted to hear it. His answer. To find my own answer within my confusion.
“……What do you think of an adult who has lived according to their parents’ wishes?”
I said it out loud. I spoke it. There’s no going back now.
I really already know the answer. He’s a pioneer who carves out his own future. He doesn’t hesitate to step firmly on the ground and walk pathless roads. The complete opposite of living according to someone else’s wishes.
That’s exactly why I might have wanted to ask. My value in his eyes.
“Isn’t that wonderful!”
“…………Eh?”
The words that came back were unexpected, and for a moment, I was slow to understand.
“It’s wonderful, isn’t it? Living according to your parents’ wishes. I have nothing but gratitude for my mother. If I could live according to the wishes of my mother, whom I respect endlessly—that great saint of a mother—that would be my true desire. It’s an enviable way of life. If she told me to become a monk and go begging for alms, I’d be a mendicant monk by now. Boeh“
“Why……”
An unexpected answer. Still confused, my thoughts won’t organize.
“Don’t you think it’s pathetic? Don’t you look down on it? Because–“
I can’t hide my bewilderment. That’s not the answer I wanted to hear. I wanted to be rejected.
That I’m a shameful adult, pathetic, having nothing to do with respect, a miserable existence, and yet!
“Of course not. That person might have had no other choice. If they realize there was another right answer, they can choose that next time. There’s no room for others to interfere. Because that person’s life belongs to that person.”
I listened to his words in stunned silence. My body tensed from the shock I received.
I thought he would deny this incompatible way of life. That it couldn’t possibly be accepted.
This was a question meant for giving up. To erase these feelings and return to just being teacher and student. It should have been the right decision as an adult. There was nothing to feel guilty about.
But what came back wasn’t rejection, but affirmation of my life as a person.
“……Was I not wrong?”
“Sensei?”
“Please. ……Just let me do this for a little while.”
I rest my head against his back. Maybe I didn’t want him to see my expression.
Respect and reverence for others. Not denying, not excluding, accepting things as they are.
That’s why everyone wants to be by his side. Because he creates a place to belong.
“To be honest, I was conflicted about whether to tell Sensei about the AI.”
Kokonoe-kun reveals his feelings.
“Being resented by someone. Knowing that is frightening. If you could remain unaware, that might be happier. Remaining insensitive to both hostility and affection directed at you, never noticing. Once you know, you can’t remain unchanged. Change is demanded. But that’s not necessarily right.”
Hostility and affection. The earnest feelings hidden in one’s heart. Having the other person know about them brings change.
“I’m grateful that you told me.”
I press my whole body against his back. My uncontrollable heart was crying out. About kind you–.
[ ] and.
(At this age—how……)
It could never be fulfilled through matchmaking. Nothing can take away this racing of my heart.
The photos that were sent are nothing but fabrications. But maybe even such a future could…
“……Kokonoe-kun, could you close your eyes?”
“Are you going to change clothes right here? Don’t worry, I have an original eye mask. The residents of my house strip immediately, so I don’t know where to look. It’s like a savanna.”
While I wouldn’t mind being seen changing clothes after what Misaki-san and I did together, Kokonoe-kun quickly puts on an eye mask with droopy eyes. It’s oddly cute.
“That’s not it. I’ve been relying on you completely for this matter.”
–This is thanks, I tell myself as an excuse. I don’t have the courage to put it into words yet.
I bring my face closer. Age is cruel. His fresh skin is unbearably enviable.
The distance between us becomes zero. The forbidden foolish act—a kiss—just as written in that cursed text.
“Sensei? What was that just now?”
“……It’s nothing.”
I gently kiss his cheek. If I had done it on his lips, there would be no turning back.
If I could have that courage, I too could immerse myself in these impermissible feelings.
“Wait, could it have been Inukichi?”
“It wasn’t!”
Too late—that won’t come true. But that was fine.
“If everything gets resolved, I’ll treat you to pudding.”
“Gulp……. Does that include baked pudding?”
“Yes. That’s fine.”
The promise we made is taboo, and I don’t have the resolve to commit the forbidden now. But–
This is the first [rebellion] in my life.
***
“Good grief… roast beef…”
“You surprisingly like such lame gags, don’t you?”
Looking up at the sky while flipping through the elementary school album Sensei showed me.
Sanjoji-sensei is sitting next to me, snuggled close, but since she’s only wearing a sports bra, her body heat is constantly transmitted. High thermal conductivity. Please, get dressed quickly!
“Why are you looking at an old album again?”
I had seen it before when I came to this house, but this time I’m examining it earnestly.
“My mother was really regretting not participating in school events. Sports days, chorus performances—she couldn’t come to those kinds of occasions because she was busy. I pretty much skipped them too.”
Looking again, there are hardly any photos of me. Especially around this time, I was basically boycotting everything.
Mother might have been pained by that aspect too.
I myself don’t know how many times I told her she didn’t need to come. I relied on Sekka-san when necessary, and sometimes I deliberately didn’t participate so as not to trouble my busy mother.
“What an immature story. Though since it was elementary school, maybe it’s a childish story?”
Couldn’t I have handled it better? I was still immature too.
“I’m sorry. ……Due to my thoughtlessness, I made you suffer.”
Sanjoji-sensei’s glasses fog up. The soft pressure on my arm increases.
This is bad—I didn’t show her the album to make her cry.
“It’s not Sensei’s fault. It was like Chuunibyou (middle school syndrome). Though since it was elementary school, maybe elementary school syndrome? Causing trouble and making people sad. While that might be forgiven in a bratty girl, it’s not forgiven in a bratty boy.”
Whenever I decided not to participate in something, Hinagi-chan would always get grumpy. Come to think of it, she was right. Bratty girl Hinagi-chan was far better at seeing the essence.
“There was nothing to be gained by being stubborn. I think I was just being defiant. Even though there was no value in it anywhere. I even refused to accept apologies and pushed them away. I was the worst.”
You don’t have to forgive. You just need to accept. Even that, I refused.
The result was that I stole Himiyama-san’s dreams and continued to make her suffer. Same with Sanjoji-sensei.
“And probably the classmates from this time too.”
I don’t remember their faces or names. I decided they were people not worth remembering, and I didn’t acknowledge their existence.
The memories of spending time together have also fallen away, and I can’t recall even fragments. Not that I particularly regret it.
“I think everyone remembers you though.”
“Do you think so?”
“It’s a vivid memory. It’s impossible to forget even if you tried.”
My callousness is becoming even more exposed, but it can’t be helped.
“Huh?”
“What’s wrong?”
Sensei peers over at what I’m looking at. I sneak a peek at Sensei’s chest area.
It was a group photo. Of course, I’m not in it. I had firmly refused, saying cameras steal souls. Regardless, I count the people with my fingers. One, two, three, four, five…….
“Isn’t the number of people small here?”
“Because you’re not in it.”
“Excluding me, I mean.”
I’d even want them to just paste my face photo in the upper right corner.
I flip back through the pages and open another group photo. One taken earlier.
I count with my fingers again. No mistake. There’s one more person. I shudder.
“Sensei, this is a ghost photo! We need an exorcism! There’s a specter mixed in!”
“Calm down! It’s the opposite! It decreased!”
“Were they erased!?”
That might be even scarier. Maybe I’ve touched on some inconvenient truth.
“Please get away from supernatural phenomena! No, that’s not it. They transferred schools and left.”
“A shortstop drafted first overall being converted to a reliever—was that really the right choice……”
“It’s not about position changes or conversions! It’s transfer!”
I’m corrected with a squeeze. Soft like sirloin.
“Transfer? Was there such a person?”
I can’t remember anything. I’m even doubtful that I had such a period.
“……That’s right. I was starting to forget too. About him, who was the other party involved.”
Since she says “him,” it must be a boy. That’s when I finally realized.
“Ah, that guy! Um, what was it? This frustrating feeling of not being able to remember the name.”
Before I can remember, there’s also the possibility that I never knew his name in the first place. It might never come out.
“In a way, he was our victim. There was no need to make a big deal of it. There should have been opportunities to repair the strained relationship. Yet we didn’t extend a helping hand and made him spend time in a bed of needles situation. It’s natural that he couldn’t endure it. Not everyone can be as strong as you.”
Sanjoji-sensei closes her eyes and murmurs as if reminiscing. One of countless regrets.
Sensei points to one spot in the photo. That face looks familiar… but I still don’t recognize it.
“He is [Okamoto Kazuhiro]-kun. He was the one who made you take the blame, and the one you condemned.”
Also check out my friend Localizermeerkat for more LN translations!
BUY THE SOURCE MATERIAL TO SUPPORT THE AUTHOR !!!
Please consider joining my Ko-Fi membership. By becoming a member, you’ll also gain access to 2-10 additional chapters of all of the novels from this site translated into English. Last but not least your support will also assist me in upholding the translation quality and speed. For more information, please follow the link.
Donation for faster release is always welcome
Additionally, I am now accepting translation requests.
