Chapter 1: The Hero’s Rib
“Where am I? I can’t see a thing.”
[Welcome. This is… well, I don’t really know myself, but it’s probably a pretty amazing place.]
“I need a little more info. Who are you, the beautiful woman who suddenly appeared in this pitch-black space?”
[Thank you. In that case, I shall explain your current situation.]
“Info, please.”
[I am a Goddess-sama.]
“A Goddess, huh?”
[In the world you came from, you unfortunately… kind of died.]
“Info, please.”
[No, see, I don’t actually know how. Look.]
“A display suddenly appeared in the void showing my past self. That’s inside my house—isn’t this a privacy violation?”
[The law does not apply to a Goddess.]
“You’ve got a great figure. Can I give you full body massage?”
[Please stop. I’ll sue you.]
“So the law does apply!”
[It is only permitted when I use it.]
“That’s totally unfair.”
[Let’s get back on track. This is you three years before you died.]
“I thought I looked unusually young. Isn’t this going back a bit too far?”
[Then here is you three minutes after you died.]
“I missed the decisive moment! One more time, please.”
[Fine. Here is you three seconds before death. 3, 2, 1… and, you’re dead.]
“Amazing. I really did just kind of die.”
[What are you, some kind of professional comedian? Have you mastered the art of being a funny human?]
“I can’t say I’ve ever practiced how to die hilariously.”
[Regardless, the fact remains that you met an untimely end. This is a place where we give miserable, pathetic losers in the game of life a chance to struggle one more time—though it might be meaningless.]
“I’d prefer a slightly kinder Goddess-sama.”
[Half of me is made of Buffe-rin.]
“That is kind.”
[The other half is kindness.]
“So you’re the artificial chemical-drug half.”
TLNOTE : “Half of a Bufferin is made out of kindness” is a slogan from Bufferin painkiller famous commercials
[To put it plainly, this is the staging area for Isekai Reincarnation.]
“Ah, I saw this in an anime recently. Ise—”
[Oops, no naming other works. It’s a pain if the gods of those worlds get angry.]
“What a cold world. So, you’re going to let me reincarnate?”
[Yes. Please decide what kind of world and what kind of existence you’d like to be.]
“You’re surprisingly flexible about that. Usually, in these stories, you don’t get much of a choice.”
[The rank of my godhood is different. Don’t lump me in with those inflexible underlings.]
“They’re going to get mad at you.”
[Every god has their own personality.]
“There are those old-man type gods too, right? Having a Goddess-sama is definitely better for the eyes.”
[I’m suing you for sexual harassment.]
“ That’s a pretty strict stance on customer service and tolerance for individuality. ”
[You can basically choose freely, but popular roles have a waiting list.]
“There’s a waitlist?”
[You aren’t the only one I’m reincarnating, and other worlds have limits, you know.]
“When you look at the internet, it feels like there are infinite worlds.”
[In that case, shall I guide you to a world created by a God I know—one where he stopped production halfway through?]
“Ah, he ‘Etar-ed’ it, huh?”
※Note: “Etar-ing” (エターなる) is Japanese slang for a web novel or project that remains eternally unfinished.
[If you want to be the Hero of an orthodox fantasy harem, the wait time is about 50,000 years.]
“Just how drenched in desire are these people waiting to reincarnate?”
[In that same world, if you want to be a villager in a rural town who spends his whole life chanting the name of the village, the wait is 500 years.]
“That’s surprisingly popular. Do people just hate hard labor that much?”
[Good worlds are generally popular. If it’s a harsh world, the wait time is short.]
“For example?”
[You can be a Hero, but it’s a world where you spend your whole life being mocked and pointed at. You can be that in five minutes.]
“I don’t think that counts as a Hero. But there’s still a waitlist for that?”
[About five people have compromised their standards for it.]
“One minute per person? Their way of compromising feels a bit off.”
[Reincarnating as a monster is also popular. Being the Demon King from the start is one thing, but if you can eventually reach Demon King class, the wait is naturally long.]
“Is that true even for Demon Kings who get defeated?”
[Yes. Even for a future Demon King who dies after a fierce battle with the Hero, the wait is still in the thousands of years.]
“What about a Demon King in a world with a short wait time?”
[You can be the Demon King, but it’s a world where you spend your whole life being mocked and pointed at. You can be that in eight minutes.]
“I feel like I just heard this. It’s more popular than the Hero!”
[I assume you’re starting to see an attractive reincarnation destination by now.]
“If you’re serious, I think you might be an Evil God or something.”
[Lately, many people are managing to squeeze into good worlds by adding a ‘twist.’]
“What kind of twist?”
[Things like being an ordinary person with zero skills, or just being a farmer, a merchant, or a chef.]
“I see. Choosing a destination people wouldn’t think of.”
[Some even choose to be inanimate objects.]
“Inanimate? Like a Hero’s weapon?”
[Exactly. But demand for that has been rising lately, so wait times are starting to be longer.]
“So I have to be a pioneer of something new.”
[Besides, since they are inanimate, they live a long time, meaning each person’s ‘turn’ lasts a while.]
“I can see the tragic end of those in the ‘mocked and pointed at’ worlds.”
[Now then, what will it be? Since you’re a skirt-chasing piece of trash with an adventurer’s spirit, I expect the wait for your desired job will be long.]
“I won’t deny it, but please be a little kinder.”
[A piece of trash with an adventurer’s spirit who is kind to women.]
“Close enough.”
[Just pick something already. I’m busy and time is money.]
“Your customer service is getting sloppy. Does time even exist in this space?”
[Saza-e-san is about to start.]
“Ah, it feels like we’re from the same world. By the way, it’s Sunday.”
[If I miss it, I’m making you Saza-e-san’s next-door neighbor.]
“That would be somewhat problematic.”
[Then hurry up. If you’re not satisfied with your life, you’ll just end up back here anyway.]
“Isn’t that system the reason why you’re so busy?”
[Ah.]
“She was unaware… Alright, I’ve decided.”
[I’m impressed you could choose based on this conversation.]
“I didn’t expect to hear that from you. “
[Then tell me. I’ll listen while operating the terminal and calculate the wait time.]
Well, here goes. A well-built, high-quality world. A cheat Hero with a harem and a happy ending.”
[That’s going to be a massive wait, you know? It just surpassed 10,000 years.]
“—As one of his ribs, please.”
[The wait just hit zero.]
“Nice.”
[What do you mean, a ‘rib’?]
“Well, I figured if I was his right hand, I’d be overworked.”
[No, nobody chooses that—oh, wait, someone did.]
“And if I’m the Hero’s right hand, I might have to deal with… ‘personal business.’ I’ve seen manga like that.”
[ You’re not talking about the one where it splits open and turns into a face, right?]
“If I’m a rib, I’ll basically just be stroked by beautiful women all day.”
[Will you? You’re such a pervert I can’t even tell.]
“I’m the rib of a handsome Hero. Wouldn’t you want to touch it?”
[I might want to poke it a few times.]
“It’s a harem, so I’ll probably be stroked by all sorts of women.”
[Your desires are so shallow.]
“If my whole body is an erogenous zone, I think I can make it work.”
[Are you a professional?]
“Anyway, that’s my request.”
[Fine, fine. Off you go then.]
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT gadgetizedpanda.net
“I’m back. The place looks a lot more like a living room now.”
[I knew you’d come back.]
“Well, I actually enjoyed it quite a bit.”
[Then why are you back?]
“I couldn’t get a happy ending…”
[Did you think you would? The one who gets the happy ending is the Hero, not you, his rib.]
“Oh, Saza-e-san is on. Can I watch with you?”
[Go ahead. It’s Blu-ray, so it’s very crisp.]
“I never thought I’d see the day I watched Ka-tsuo’s bald head in Blu-ray.”
[You can see every single downy hair.]
“Doesn’t that actually make it look more like a knock-off?”
※Blu-ray is amazing, isn’t it?
[So, how was it?]
“Well, watching it after a while, it’s really got a certain charm—”
[Not Saza-e-san! Your isekai story!]
“It was going pretty well halfway through. I reached ‘climax’ with many of the heroines.”
[That is not something you should tell a Goddess.]
“At one point, I accidentally whispered my love to my favorite heroine.”
[The rib did?]
“And unfortunately, she was totally creeped out.”
[Just because she was your favorite?]
“That wasn’t very punny.”
[I’m about to break your ribs right now.]
“What a humorous Goddess-sama.”
[That’s better.]
“Your ribs are lovely.”
[That’s worse.]
“I was desperately trying to hide my true identity, but the Hero finally realized I existed. So I introduced myself: ‘I am your 11th right rib!'”
[He must have been so confused.]
“And as expected of a Hero, he didn’t hesitate. He surgically removed his 11th right rib.”
[Most people would remove a talking rib, even if they aren’t a Hero.]
“But it was fine up to that point.”
[Being removed was fine?]
“Actually, I was the 10th right rib.”
[Then it was a total waste of surgery! Apologize to the 11th right rib!]
“Oh, come on. It’s not like the 11th right rib has a will of its own. That would be creepy.”
[Oh, really now, Mr. 10th Right Rib?]
“I luckily escaped removal and went back to my ‘rib-stroking life,’ which was great.”
[That’s a phrase I never want to hear again. Did you speak up again?]
“No, but the 11th right rib that was removed ended up being reborn as a new human race. A war broke out between humanity and the New Humans.”
[It went full ‘Adam and Eve’? Cheat Heroes are no joke.]
“There were too many Eves, so it was a struggle.”
※Bible story: Eve was created from the rib of Adam. Apples are delicious, right?
[It was a harem Hero, after all. But couldn’t a cheat Hero solve that?]
“The thing is, the ’11th Right Rib Hero’ born from the original was also a cheat Hero. It was a brutal war.”
[He actually named himself that? He could have at least picked a real name.]
“In the end, the ’11th Right Rib Hero’ won by a margin of a single rib.”
[A performance gap based on the number of bones… You should have helped out by at least one rib’s worth.]
“What could a mere rib possibly do?”
[Some individuals introduce themselves, and others become Heroes after being removed to defeat the current one…]
“Anyway, unfortunately, the Hero died.”
[It’s mostly your fault. And so you came back?]
“No, there’s a bit more.”
[There’s more? Continue.]
“The 11th Right Rib Hero thought: ‘Wait, can’t I make the other ribs into Heroes too?'”
[He actually thought that?]
“And so he removed all twenty-three remaining ribs.”
[And then there were twenty-four Heroes.]
“No, since I had reincarnated as the Hero’s rib, I remained as the original Hero’s rib.”
[Unnecessarily loyal, aren’t we?]
“And so began a global struggle for dominance between twenty-three Heroes.”
[That’s quite the epic scale.]
“By the way, the final winner was the 3rd Left Rib Hero.”
[They all have those names?!]
“It was intense. The battle between the 5th Right Rib Hero and the 7th Left Rib Hero almost split the planet. The world nearly ended.”
[The names ruin everything.]
“Also, the 9th Right Rib Hero and the 2nd Left Rib Hero discovered they were gay for each other.”
[I’ll need a detailed report on that later.]
“The intellectual type, the 10th Left Rib Hero, even started creating new Heroes from his own ribs.”
[That’s the kind of plot that never ends.]
“By the way, nothing ever came out of the 10th right rib.”
[I’m glad to see your presence had zero impact on the world.]
“In the end, as a rib, I just had to sit there with my thumb in my mouth, watching.”
[You don’t have thumbs. You’re a remaining rib.]
“Oh, right. The one whose mouth I was in was a beast-eared heroine.”
[Chewing on her lover’s bone… she’s quite the psychopath.]
“It was pure bliss.”
[Right, ‘whole body erogenous zone.’]
“Eventually, the surviving 3rd Left Rib Hero used some kind of incredible ‘Rib Miracle.'”
[‘Rib Miracle’… I doubt a search engine would find a single result for that.]
“All the dead Heroes returned to being shattered ribs.”
[I won’t accept a ‘bone-headed’ pun as the punchline.]
“No, they were just buried by the heroines, and that was it.”
[And you were buried with them?]
“No, I was kept as a ‘chew toy’ for whenever the beast-eared heroine felt lonely.”
[Is that heroine a reincarnator? She doesn’t sound sane.]
“I enjoyed those fulfilling days.”
[I see. I didn’t want to know.]
“But one day, I was accidentally found by the gardener-type heroine, and she crushed me into fertilizer. I died.”
[She wouldn’t think you were a Hero’s bone, after all.]
“And so, I came back with some lingering regrets.”
[It sounds like you enjoyed it way more than you should have.]
“Oh, here’s a souvenir. It’s the 11th right rib. It was still mostly intact, so I brought it back.”
[Throw it away! No, don’t throw it away in here!]
“So, I was wondering what to do next.”
[Well, if you weren’t satisfied, I’ll let you reincarnate again. Choose your world and job.]
“I’m out of ideas.”
[You lived as a Hero’s rib; I thought you’d at least have questioned your existence and thought about the next world.]
“Don’t worry. I prepared this just in case.”
[A suggestion box? When did you—]
“I made it out of a Go-diva box while watching Saza-e-san.”
[Ah! My Go-diva box is gone! I was going to use that for my trinkets!]
“I’m going to use this to ask for feedback on my isekai life and decide my next destination.”
[Aren’t you relying on others a bit too much? Besides, there’s no one in this space but me.]
“I’ll ask the people waiting to reincarnate. Hey, you over there!”
[I don’t think Ka-tsuo is looking to reincarnate in another world.]
TLNOTE : So yeah, the reason I’m translating this novel at this moment is the new anime announcement. Don’t worry, it won’t slow down other translations. I read this story years ago, and it’s actually quite easy to work on.
Also check out my friend Localizermeerkat for more LN translations!
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