Chapter 9: The Heroine’s Left Ear
“Grow big now, Gugugeguderestaff-kun.”
[Don’t give the World Tree seedling such a weird name.]
“You say that, but the name just popped into my head.”
[No one could possibly feel affection for a name that sounds like a throwaway demon who dies after three chapters.]
※Note: This is the name of a character who died like a disposable pawn in the author’s other work, “Wanting To Live Safely In Another World Syndrome.”
“Should we open it up for suggestions, then?”
[Rejected, because I know for a fact no good names will come of it.]
“The people putting things in the suggestion box are doing it because they think it’ll be interesting—or rather, that the ‘theme’ itself is interesting.”
[If you raise the bar that high, people will stop sending themes.]
“Themes can be anything. Please feel free to write whatever you like. Look, it could even be something on your desk right now.”
[Such flattery, considering this is your life at stake.]
“It’s fine as long as I handle things well.”
[I feel like you are handling things, but if I were to evaluate your past performance as ‘handling things well,’ I’d have to start questioning the definition of ‘well,’ so let’s stop there.]
“Oh, by the way, while I’m reincarnated in the other world, could you take care of watering Gugugeguderestaff?”
[I might have considered it if it were just ‘the World Tree seedling,’ but I really hate that name.]
“I guess I have no choice. I’ll make an automatic watering device.”
[Can you really make a device that keeps watering for decades during your reincarnation?]
“Done.”
[That was fast!]
“I wasn’t a clock’s second hand for nothing, you know.”
[So it wasn’t just for show.]
“It’s a device that fires water magic every time the twelve hours are marked.”
[It really wasn’t for show… but I’m removing it.]
“After all that hard work?”
[This place will be underwater. I’ll water it myself, so just deal with it.]
“Then, let’s pull from the suggestion box. I’d like some interaction with a girl soon.”
[It’s painful that I’m starting to think you might actually need it, since you can’t be satisfied without some romance.]
“Ta-da! From ‘Anoneno-san’: [The Heroine’s Left Ear].”
[You’ve become a part of a girl’s body. Congratulations.]
“I’m wondering how to ‘attack’ this role.”
[Please don’t ‘attack’ it. And don’t use that word.]
“For now, let’s add an option: ‘Entire body is an erogenous zone’…”
[Removing that.]
“But there are plenty of heroines who have sensitive ears!”
[I don’t trust you after the ribcage incident. I’ll allow romance, but I won’t allow lust.]
“How regrettable. Oh, but there’s one thing I can’t back down on.”
[What is it?]
“Please remove the setting where the Hero has an ‘ear fetish.’ I don’t want to be licked by the Hero.”
[I suppose I have no choice. I’ll add it in.]
“Wait, I’m a man! What benefit is there for me? Ah, I can’t remove it!”
[I’ve locked it in. Well, I’ll at least make the heroine a woman for you.]
“Don’t go secretly making her a man later.”
[I wouldn’t dream of it.]
“I can’t let my guard down for a second.”
[If you’re the one saying that, I feel a bit more confident in myself.]
“I don’t want any piercings. Also, I want the texture of the earlobe to be top-tier.”
[All your options are about the ear’s design. It’s a problem if you add weird options, but…]
“Let’s skip having a voice this time. It would be a pity to drive the heroine into a neurosis with my voice.”
[A correct judgment.]
“So, I’ll use telepathy instead, like a divine revelation.”
[I can already see the future where she ends up neurotic anyway, so I’m removing that.]
“Hey, it’ll be fine! I won’t talk to her that much.”
[Then I’ll limit it to one minute, once a month. Is that acceptable?]
“Understood. Well then, I’m off!”
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT gadgetizedpanda.net
[Gugugeguderestaff, it’s time for water. Is it delicious? I see. Even so, you’re a slow grower. You’re just like him, aren’t you? Hehe.]
“I’m back.”
[Calling out ‘Gugugeguderestaff’ every single time is a pain. Maybe I should just drench it in sulfuric acid.]
“I come home to a massacre in progress.”
[Ahem. So, it was no good again?]
“I realized halfway through that I wouldn’t be able to end up with the heroine, and I cooled down.”
[You should have realized that at the start.]
“The heroine’s name was Leapris, and she was the Hero’s main heroine.”
[Sounds like a traditional setup so far.]
“Her job was a Cleric.”
[A bit unusual for a ‘main’ heroine, perhaps?]
“Her weapon was a corpse.”
[Do you know the word ‘Necromancer’?]
“I do.”
[Isn’t that heroine just a Necromancer?]
“No, she was a Cleric.”
[Even though she fights with corpses?]
“Yes. She would grab monster corpses and swing them around.”
[Even a Necromancer would be shocked. Why did she become such a dangerous heroine?]
“I’m not sure, probably to give her some ‘individuality’?”
[I don’t think that kind of individuality benefits anyone.]
“I met Leapris when she was twelve.”
[So she was quiet until then?]
“She didn’t understand language, so it just sounded like auditory hallucinations to her.”
[She’s quite a late bloomer, isn’t she?]
“She was raised in the mountains.”
[What happened to the Cleric part?!]
“Leapris was an infant abandoned in the mountains, but luckily, she was picked up and raised by a monster. Then, at the age of ten, she was discovered and protected by humans.”
[That’s a rather intense past.]
“By the way, the monster who raised her was none other than the Demon King’s right-hand man, the Red Salmon Demon, Spacious.”
[An unexpected reunion!]
“Oh, you knew him?”
[I’m terrified by your lack of intuition.]
“Spacious was a man who could kill humans without hesitation. But he hesitated to kill her as a baby and ended up raising her. Also, I felt he had a bit of an obsession with seafood.”
[I’m sure he did.]
“But he couldn’t raise a human girl forever, so he deliberately let humans find and protect Leapris.”
[That’s a nice story. I’ll overlook the finer details.]
“Leapris was raised in a church run by Clerics, and by the age of twelve, she had grown enough to hold daily conversations.”
[Considering two years of growth, that’s sufficient.]
“Also, she incidentally acquired Resurrection Magic.”
[I’m concerned about the difficulty level of those ‘daily conversations.’]
“And for the first revelation, I used this:”
【Leapris, O Leapris, can you hear me?】
[You’ve regained the power I was supposed to have deleted.]
“Doesn’t it sound like a protagonist?”
[A protagonist doesn’t speak through a system window.]
【I give you a revelation. You can become the woman the Hero seeks. Polish yourself.】
[A revelation usually reveals things that couldn’t be known otherwise, but what a ridiculous revelation that is.]
【Now, aim for the top of the harem, Leapris!】
[So he was a harem-type Hero.]
“Leapris completely fell for that revelation and started polishing herself.”
[She fell for it?!]
“I also repeated harsh revelations for Leapris’s happiness.”
[I suppose if you’ve been with her since she was born, you’d feel almost like a parent.]
【Leapris, the current you is less than a pebble on the side of the road to the Hero. To think you can aim for the seat of the main heroine with that level of ‘Heroine Power’ makes my sides ache with laughter.】
[That’s harsher than I thought.]
“Leapris, who dreamed of adventuring with the Hero the world sought, took my revelations to heart.”
[She’s a good girl.]
【Do you really think you’ll stay in the Hero’s memory with that much individuality? Someone fighting with a radish would be ten times more memorable. Just swing a monster’s corpse around or something.】
[So it was your fault!]
“By the time she was fifteen, she became a famous beauty in the country.”
[I’m sure she’d be famous if she used corpses as weapons.]
“Yes, for some reason.”
[You really take no responsibility for your words.]
“It was only a matter of time before the Hero, hearing rumors of Leapris—who possessed terrifying strength at a young age, was a beauty, and used the revolutionary tactic of fighting with corpses—would contact her.”
[The last part was probably just out of morbid curiosity.]
“The moment Leapris encountered the Hero, she was struck.”
[Love at first sight?]
“The Hero’s motto was ‘First move wins,’ after all.”
[It was an attack?!]
“She happened to be equipped with an undead corpse at the time, so he probably misunderstood.”
[Misunderstood… well, I guess…]
“But the Leapris I trained wouldn’t be easily defeated by the likes of a Hero’s attack.”
[What kind of heroine treats the Hero as ‘the likes of’ him?]
“After a fierce battle, Leapris finally succeeded in ‘grabbing’ the Hero’s heart.”
[Why? Did he like strong women?]
“No, it was a magic spell to grab and crush the spirit.”
[So ‘finally’ meant the conclusion of the fight!]
“Having thus defeated the Hero, Leapris secured her position as the main heroine.”
[Nowhere in the requirements for being a main heroine does it say ‘defeat the Hero.’]
“And so her adventure began. Dragging the Hero along.”
[That’s not the Hero’s corpse, is it?]
“It’s fine, he’s still breathing.”
[That doesn’t sound ‘fine’ at all.]
“Strong enemies appeared one after another, but she and the Hero worked together to defeat them.”
[A Cleric who can beat the Hero, plus the Hero… as a party, they must be excellent.]
“Without ever giving up her seat as the main heroine, the Hero continued to expand his harem.”
[Was she defeating the other heroines?]
“The standard tactic is to increase your allies first.”
[I hate your sudden burst of logic.]
“And with the prologue over, the story finally shifted to the stage of the battle against the Demon King’s army.”
[For the Hero, that must have been a very exhausting prologue.]
“The Demon King’s army was vast and cunning. Especially troublesome was the Red Salmon Demon, Spacious.”
[There he is, the heroine’s foster parent.]
“His strength and the cunning of his schemes… he wasn’t a man who should have ended as a mere right-hand man.”
[I’m sure.]
“I’m certain he was a reincarnator. One who had experienced it many times.”
[I’m sure he was.]
“It was a real struggle; I never want to see him again.”
[That’s probably impossible.]
“The fact that Leapris remembered him was also an issue. She hadn’t forgotten the debt of being picked up and raised by him.”
[She’s a loyal heroine.]
“But Spacious fought to fulfill his role. Thinking Leapris would be killed at this rate, I encouraged her with a revelation.”
【Hurry up and process that fish and turn him into sun-dried jerky. Look, he has a fin that’s easy to grip; it’ll make a great weapon.】
[The revelation is trashy!]
“With the help of the revelation, the Hero and Leapris struck down the Red Salmon Demon, Spacious.”
[I’m worried about Leapris being too obedient to your revelations.]
“Having obtained the strongest weapon, the final battle with the Demon King finally began.”
[The composition of this scene is terrible. And I’m sure he’ll reincarnate again.]
“But at this critical moment, the Hero’s chronic illness flared up.”
[A chronic illness that was never mentioned until now suddenly asserts itself.]
“A curse that makes him unable to resist being aroused by ears.”
[Oh… that was my fault.]
“One by one, the heroines were attacked by the Hero and fell.”
[I’ll be angry if ‘attacked’ is a sexual double entendre.]
“It seems ears were everyone’s weakness.”
[That’s ridiculous.]
“It’s because they were all reincarnators who requested ‘entire body is an erogenous zone’.”
[Were they all idiots?!]
“However, Leapris didn’t flinch even when her ears were targeted.”
[Because I removed the option. It actually helped for once.]
“She successfully managed to calm the Hero, but most of their allies were in no condition to fight.”
[Were there no male allies?]
“No man wants to be in a party with a Hero who drags around a massive harem of women.”
[That’s true. By the way, how many women were there?]
“Fifty-eight, including Leapris.”
[The Hero has absolutely no self-restraint.]
“In the end, only the Hero and Leapris headed for the Demon King.”
[The sight of fifty-seven heroines downed by ear-play… what a horrific scene.]
“Oh, technically, the Red Salmon Demon Spacious was with them too.”
[As a weapon, right? You should have just left him behind.]
“And finally, the battle with Demon King Left-Door began.”
[That guy’s a reincarnator too, isn’t he?]
“What?! You can tell?”
[Is your interest in others really that low?]
“My heart is always filled with the Goddess-sama, after all.”
[If I were happy about that at this point, I’d fail as a human.]
“Aren’t you a Goddess?”
[I’d fail as a Goddess, too.]
“The Demon King was very strong, and even Leapris struggled.”
[He’s a reincarnated Demon King, so of course he’d be troublesome.]
“Part of it was that she wasn’t used to dual-wielding.”
[Is the Hero dead?!]
“Leapris was driven into a corner, but the Demon King’s movements suddenly slowed. Leapris didn’t miss the opening and delivered a reversal blow.”
[Did something happen?]
“No, I have no idea. He seemed to see something behind Leapris, but there was nothing there but a door.”
[You were standing on the right side, weren’t you?]
“What?! How did you know?”
[How could I not? He’s clearly traumatized!]
“Though some mysteries remained, the world was safely at peace.”
[The mystery is completely solved for me, though.]
“The Hero was brought back to life by Leapris’s Resurrection Magic.”
[The magic she incidentally learned was useful. Please bring Spacious back to life, too.]
“Well, about that. Spacious’s corpse, when the Demon King was struck down…”
[Did it shatter?]
“It got stuck in the Demon King and wouldn’t come out.”
[A Demon King who died while being impaled by a red salmon… that’s a one-way ticket to reincarnation.]
“Leapris lived happily ever after with the Hero who defeated the Demon King.”
[She’s the one who defeated him! With a salmon!]
“I felt like I was giving away my daughter, but since the Hero wasn’t a bad guy, I felt I had no choice but to accept it.”
[The only one who ‘cannot be helped’ is you. Though I feel a Hero with fifty-eight heroines isn’t exactly sane either.]
“First off, to keep the damage to me at a minimum, I used the Divine Revelation well and made them aim primarily for the right ear.”
[That is a terrible waste of a Revelation.]
“Well, I just came back thinking, ‘What kind of life is it to be lusted after by men?'”
[As for me, I don’t think it’s that bad.]
“And as for the souvenir…”
[If it’s sockeye salmon, I’m making you return it.]
“It was stuck in the Demon King and wouldn’t come out.”
[Ah, that’s right. Then what on earth did you…]
“The ones Leepris was wearing—”
[Go back and return them.]
“—earrings.”
[That was confusing!]
“It seems that after living so long, Leepris realized the true nature of the Revelation was me, reincarnated as her left ear. She said, ‘You’ve truly taken care of me. Please take the earrings I’ve worn since I was a child as a souvenir.'”
[She was a good girl, wasn’t she?]
“Yes. Even as she grew old, she was a girl who fought through to the end using the Hero’s corpse as a weapon.”
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