Chapter Four: Youta Ootomo Could Only Be Placed Here by Process of Elimination
1
A few days after that, Sunday.
I was waiting at the station for Awayuki’s arrival, recalling my conversation with Ohana.
[So you don’t have any emotions, huh…]
[Yeah, that’s right.]
[No way, you must be joking…]
[Does this look like the face of someone telling a joke?]
[It does! You’re making a weird face again! Pfft…hahahahaha!]
[Yes, I got to see Ohana’s smile again. I’m satisfied.]
[Geez…nevermind me! More importantly, what do you mean you don’t have emotions!? There’s no way a human could─]
[But there is. Right here.]
[………………………You, you’re serious?]
[Yes. My brain is made that way.]
[Made that way…?]
[But, I want to try crying. I think human tears are beautiful. If I could cry even once, this doll might become more human.]
[………………………………………]
[What’s wrong, Ohana?]
[─I understand. Let’s go play.]
[Huh?]
[Next Sunday, let’s go out into town! I’ll come up with a full-proof plan to make Tera-san cry!]
[But didn’t you just say enemies don’t get along?]
[Who cares about stuff like that! It’s the body mom and dad gave you, Tera shouldn’t say things like that! No emotions? …There’s no way! I’ll prove to you that I can absolutely make Tera-san cry and show she’s just a normal girl!]
[Whisper whisper…Ohana, it seems like you’ve completely forgotten that if you make me cry, you’ll become the next Ten-Sai…]
[Ah…you’re right, I did forget that!]
[I see…she’s totally lost it. This girl is just like that I guess…]
[Okay. Then I’ll go out with Ohana.]
[Alright! I need to put my heart into coming up with a plan! Oh, will you come too, Daikyo?]
[Huh? Why me? I’m unrelated.]
[What are you saying? Daikyo and I are…umm…that’s right! We’re comrades who’ve eaten the same crappy food!]
[Why am I being lumped in with you for getting thrown in jail!?]
[Ohana, I think you mean comrades who’ve shared the same pot of food?]
[That’s it, Tera-san! As expected of the number one in the nation!]
[No, you’re just ignorant…plus Daikyo and Ohana just met for the first time yesterday…]
[Now now, don’t sweat the details.]
[But still, if the two of you are together even if it’s off campus, it’ll look kinda─]
[W-What’s wrong, Daikyo? Why’d you suddenly yell…?]
[Damn these choice mechanics… Sorry, circumstances on my end. Just ignore it…]
[? Daikyo, you do things like this a lot huh. Well, whatever. So the three of us will─]
[Yosano Akiko!]
[Why are you suddenly doing an M-leg spread!?]
[That’s what I wanna know!]
[Hmm. I thought Daikyo was the straight man, but this is a bit unexpected.]
[N-No, this isn’t about joking or─Hojo Masako!]
[Why’d you suddenly start rubbing your cheeks on the floor!?]
[I said that’s what I wanna know!]
[Does Daikyo get excited by taking humiliating poses while shouting female leaders’ names?]
[Don’t ask me seriously! It’s not like that! I can’t explain it but─Ono no Imoko!]
[Why’d you suddenly do a throwing kiss then tsukkomi!?]
[Don’t ask meeeeeee!]
Just what was with that great person naming compulsion… Recalling it makes my chest burn.
Oh well, nevermind me. The main issue right now is─
“She’s not coming…is she?”
“Doesn’t seem like it…”
It was eleven o’clock, our promised meeting time, but there was no sign of Awayuki.
I glanced down at my smartphone’s clock.
Oh, it wasn’t exactly time yet. Still 10:59─
Whoosh!
“Yo, bro!”
With a sound slicing through the wind, Awayuki suddenly appeared before me.
“Hello, this is Tera-chan from Awayuki!”
“W-Wow, that was fast… As expected, incredible speed…”
“Good, I barely made it in time.”
“Ah, no need to rush that dangerously… Being a little late would’ve been fine too, you know?”
“Being late is bad, and I absolutely won’t crash into anyone at this speed. Actually, I arrived and was waiting 30 minutes ago─but a granny carrying a really heavy furoshiki bag had hurt her leg and was troubled, so I gave her a piggyback ride to the police box, then three people who could only speak Portuguese, Punjabi, and Bengali respectively were lost on the road so I gave them directions, and a job hunting student on the verge of being late for an interview was in tears, so I came up with the shortest train transfer route that wouldn’t show up in an internet search and told them, and two cats were in a huge fight so I blended some ingredients I could buy at the convenience store to make a special milk with sedative effects and patched up their quarrel, and the owner of an eel restaurant seemed worried about attracting customers, so taking wind direction, temperature, humidity into account, I calculated the diffusion of smell for maximum efficiency and advised them, then it came down to the wire. Sorry.”
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…Huh?
“That was…a lot to take in. Just how much of a genius were you in those 30 minutes…?”
And she’s not even bragging, just calmly explaining what happened… This is probably normal for her.
“But everyone was happy, so I’m glad.”
Saying she’s satisfied with the same expressionless face─this girl is beyond human comprehension.
“Well, if you’re not troubled yourself…”
Snip!
Just then, a strange sound came from below.
“W-What was that… Oh, the hem of my pants ripped! …Why though? It didn’t seem frayed or anything this morning…”
Invisible damage building up, or catching it on something without noticing… Either way, it’s an unfortunate accident.
“Oh no… For it to mysteriously rip like that, Daikyo really has the worst luck…”
“Forget it… The rip isn’t that deep anyway, so I can just─”
“Leave it to me. Stay still for a sec, Daikyo.”
What? What?
Before I could even react, Awayuki took a small box out of her waist pouch and crouched down─
“Shwap shwap shwap!”
It looked like needles were glinting at an imperceptible speed…
Hey, I think I see something shiny like a needle… Is she sewing!?
“There, done.”
In the next instant after I had that thought, the work was already complete.
“No way… I can’t even see the stitch marks, it’s like it was never torn in the first place… If anything, it looks cleaner than before it ripped…”
With that speed and quality of work…it’s nothing short of godly skill.
“It’s rare for it to rip this much, but it’s pretty common for clothes to fray a little. So I always keep a sewing kit ready for times like this.”
I knew Awayuki was incredible, but seeing it up close is kind of terrifying… And that’s not even her specialized talent, just sewing. Everything else she can do is even more absurd.
“Anyway, thanks for saving me. I ‘pre-she-ate it.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m not mad.”
Awayuki does a carefree “ehehe” pose, but as expected, her expression doesn’t change.
“Well, that aside, thanks to you and Ohana for taking time out of your day for me. You’ll become Ten-Sai instantly if I cry, so do your best, Ohana.”
“Eh…? Ten-Sai…?”
“Yeah. If I cry, Ohana will become [Teio Ten-Sai] in my place.”
“Ah…that’s right, I did say that!”
Looks like she had forgotten after all…
“At first I was thinking anything goes, like shooting hot pepper extract from a water gun in your face, locking you in a sealed room and forcing you to listen to Daikyo’s past misfortunes for 24 hours, beating you until you cry and refusing to stop, but I completely forgot I just had to make you cry no matter what to prove you’re a normal girl!”
As ruthless as ever…
“But that was because I was confident you wouldn’t cry and was trying to get position as Ten-Sai. If it’s actually the opposite, and you’ve never cried before and wish you could…then it’s meaningless unless I genuinely help you do so.”
So you’re considerate at heart after all.
“Anyway, want me to perform the tear-jerking play I practiced all night?”
Before I could react, Ohana knelt to the ground and reached out pleadingly.
Looks like she’s doing [The Little Match Girl].
“Oh, won’t someone…won’t someone please buy my matches?”
“Oh no…not a single one sold. If I go home like this, father will beat me.”
Huh? …She’s unexpectedly good at this. Great acting ability, draws you right in…
“Brr…it’s so cold…I know, I’ll light one to warm up.”
After this, the little girl would see happy visions in the match fire before ultimately losing her life… If done at this quality, it might actually get me a little teary-eyed.
“Ahh…so warm… A Dai✱o brand oil heater is more efficient than matches after all!”
“What happened to the setting!?”
“Huh? Aren’t you cold? Hurry and use this! Whoa, a Del✱ng brand fan heater!
“What’s powering it!? There’s no outlets on the Andersen-esque streetside! How’d you turn on the Dai✱on!?”
“The girl saved by the warmth of humanity and the latest home appliances threw away her matches and learned to play with fire, skillfully wrapping men around her finger, bleed them dry, and lived comfortably ever after. Happily ever after.”
“Don’t start ad-libbing a happy ending!”
No good…too many tsukkomi points.
“But…when I reread it for this play, it was just too sad…so…”
“I understand the feeling, but we’re trying to make Awayuki cry. Changing it to a bright ending is obviously a no-go…”
“Uu…then she saw happy visions in the white powder before ultimately losing her life.”
“That’s not the little match girl, that’s a little cocaine girl!”
“Got it… Then I’ll try reciting this instead.”
With a dissatisfied pout, Ohana took a certain book out of her bag.
It was the one where she herself got shot down by Colone─[Little Red Riding Hood].
“Fufufu. No one can withstand the destructive power of this…but there’s one problem.”
I can kind of guess what it is already…
“I start bawling halfway through and can’t finish reciting it.”
…I suppose so.
“Um… So, I’ll go with ‘red ki✱ne.'”
“What!?!”
“Do you think it would work if I sadly recited the instructions for making ‘red ki✱ne’?”
“There’s no way that would work… I’d like to see someone cry over something like that.”
“But isn’t this the kind of thing that makes you sad? Coming home from the supermarket, taking it out of the bag and─[Oh, it was you… raccoon dog…. Tanuki]”
“You just bought soba noodles by mistake!”
Hopeless… Gotta do something quick.
“Ohana…are you kidding around?”
“No way! I’m seriously trying my best to make Awayuki-san cry!”
But Ohana herself probably sensed she was getting nowhere.
“Uu…this is bad… Even though I led with the most tear-jerking thing… If this doesn’t work, there’s no hope…”
Your plans were way too low level from the start…
Gururururururu
Just then, a stomach growl sounded.
─Awayuki’s.
“”…………………………””
Ohana and I exchanged glances─
“Ahaha! I, I actually haven’t eaten breakfast this morning…!”
Ohana hurriedly covered for her. She’s a girl herself, yet pushing herself… No, I should’ve handled this role considerately─
“Thank you, Ohana. But actually, that wasn’t my stomach just now, so it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Huh? …Then what was it?”
“A fart.”
“That’s 100 times more embarrassing!”
“Kidding. Actually, I’m able to mimic stomach sounds freely. It’s a type of abdominal arts, so to speak.”
“No, that makes it sound wrong… And even if you could, you definitely shouldn’t show that off…since you’re a girl.”
“Oh, then I can make more feminine sounds too.”
Gururururururururu!
“You just did an anime voice actor-like rumble!”
“Yeah, so I have free control.”
I thought she could just adjust the timing! Being able to change the sound effects too is way too freeform…
“You don’t seem to mind at all, Tera-san… Then I don’t need to cover for─”
Gurururururururu!
Just then, a loud stomach growl sounded.
─Ohana’s.
“Ahaha! The truth is, I only had three bowls of rice for breakfast…!”
“What’s up with your freakish stomach capacity!?”
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