“W-What is that person… Tch, nevermind that! Sasami! We’re not done talking yet! Wait, wait! I was wrong! Come back!!”
I started running. I can’t bother senpai on the field.
Grabbing my bag, I cut through the courtyard, then burst out the exit–
“Haa… haa… haa…”
I can’t control my emotions. Not knowing what to do, I can only run. If I quit the club, Mom will be sad. I can’t burden her when she’s working hard for my sake.
But I can’t keep doing the club either.
It’s okay, I can run anywhere. I should just pick up more part-time jobs to ease the load on Mom.
No matter how sad or painful, I want to keep smiling in front of Mom.
[“You won! Wow, Mimi is amazing. You’re so different from me. I’m sure you’ll become an incredible athlete!”]
Mom is always happy when I run. She was happy when I got into this school too.
No matter what, Mom always prioritizes me.
That’s why I have to make Mom happy. I have to repay her for all the hardship she’s endured. I have to work hard, or I’ll have no worth as a person.
Today is a work day, so I can have a quick bento. Customer service has a lot of unpleasant parts, but as long as I get paid, it’s not a big deal.
Even when work is done, Mom won’t be back yet, so I have to prepare her dinner, clean, do laundry, make the next day’s lunch… and I have to study too since this is an advanced school, and prepare for the club that’s… oh, right, I don’t have that anymore.
My physical balance is thrown off–
My feet get tangled and I nearly trip.
The asphalt is coming close. If I get injured, Mom will worry. I don’t want to get hurt and lose the ability to run.
Despite that, a part of me thinks that getting injured and becoming unable to continue would be the only way I could face senpai.
“Careful there.”
“Huh…?”
I didn’t fall. Someone is supporting me. W-Whoa, I’m grateful, but… that’s…
“Sorry, I touched a woman’s body without permission. …Can you stand?”
“Y-Yeah, it’s fine. I can stand, so please let go.”
“Okay, got it. I have to get to school.”
That was a strange-speaking man. His long hair is hiding his face, but somehow he reminds me of Toudou-senpai.
The man didn’t move. He seemed to be checking my physical condition. Then, when our eyes met, he inexplicably widened his eyes.
“W-What a pitiful sight…”
“Umm, anyway, thank you for the help. I’ll be going now.”
“N-No, wait. I’m Shimafuji Toru. Would you mind telling me your name?”
“Huh? Is this some kind of new pickup line? Sorry, but I’m not interested in that right now. I’m late for work, so excuse me!”
“Ah.”
I started running again. …What a weird guy. But I didn’t sense any ulterior motives. Oh well, I probably won’t see him again.
“Ugh… I can’t… study at all…”
I never thought my own head would be this bad.
I thought I was good at studying. My test scores were going up, and I got overconfident.
–It was all thanks to Toudou.
Walking home alone, I buried my head in my hands.
I turned down my friend’s invitation. In fact, I’ve been losing friends.
But that’s fine for now. In order to be able to talk normally with Toudou again, I’ll aim to get the top score on the test.
That’s what I’ve sworn to myself. I realized that I need to put in effort if I want to face Toudou again. …I know it’s just self-satisfaction. But I don’t know any other way. My only connection with Toudou was studying. I envied the close relationship between Hanazono and him. …As someone who was bullied, I can’t have a normal relationship with my classmates.
“Ahh…but it’s tough.”
I feel like I’m about to give up. My grades were never good to begin with, so I always run away. I know I have a dishonest personality. Some boys have invited me to hang out, but…I just wasn’t in the mood for that.
Crying or regretting won’t make me smarter.
Toudou reached out to someone like me. So I have to try my best.
–Right, I can’t just jump into it. First, I need to recall my study methods. I can do it. Toudou taught me during lunch about the problems that might be on the test.
I just blindly accepted his teaching…I’ve never been taught study methods before.
…But Toudou explained the problems patiently.
Toudou said I need to understand the meaning of the problems. It’s important to understand the flow of things, not just memorize.
Then let me review the basics again. This school has a high cut-off score. When I applied, I studied desperately to get away from the bullies. But since I didn’t have a strong foundation, I fell behind in my studies right after entering.
I need to perfectly understand the parts I only half-remembered or skipped over.
Okay, when I get home, first I’ll turn off my smartphone – cut off external contact – and try to build a study habit.
I recall Toudou’s words.
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT gadgetizedpanda.net
[Please invite me to karaoke again sometime]
A sense of guilt and motivation welled up in me.
“Alright! Today I’ll eat the pork stew from my dad’s shop and work hard!” –Huh?
I looked over at the next bench, where a female student from our school was sitting. In her gym clothes?
I feel like I’ve seen that face before…
I leaned in to get a closer look at the girl’s face. She’s drenched in sweat…crying? Her face is all puffy.
Does she not have a handkerchief? Okay, hold on–
I spoke to the girl.
“–Hey, do you need a handkerchief? Ah, you’re the energetic underclassman.”
“Thank you…huh? Aren’t you the manipulative one from the library?”
I know this one. She’s a 1st year on the track team, and apparently she idolizes Toudou.
She thinks she’s cute. I was worried Toudou might get deceived by her, but–
“Here, use this.”
“…You’re surprisingly kind. Very different from the rumors.”
I also heard that Toudou was cold to her, just like me. Everyone knows about the incident in the courtyard. And my own story has spread to the underclassmen too…It can’t be helped.
We sat on the bench and sighed in unison.
“Ahh…”
We looked at each other’s faces.
“…I’m Sasami Misami. You’re Michiba-senpai, right? I heard about you from Toudou-senpai.”
“Yes, and I also heard about you from Toudou, Sasami-san. Hey, you did something stupid too, didn’t you?”
“–That’s right…I regret it so much…”
“Yes, me too…Say, if you don’t mind, let’s talk about the stupid things we’ve done–“
We kept talking on the bench.
Listening to her story, I’d feel irritated at times, empathize at other times, and feel sad…
///
continue
///
The common thread is that we both have deep regrets.
“I see…Michiba-senpai was an idiot, huh.”
“What? You’re pretty stupid too, you know?”
We understand each other. We both know we were idiots.
“Hey, are you going to quit the track team and…still keep running?”
“Yes, I’m an idiot, so I want to get faster and someday say on TV that I won a big competition thanks to Toudou-senpai!”
“Wow, that’s a pretty big goal…I’ll work hard on my studies too, and I want to say that I’m at the top of the class thanks to Toudou.”
“Let’s do our best.”
“Hey, you’re being a bit condescending… Well, whatever. Hey, I really want to be able to talk to Toudou properly someday.”
“Yeah, me too. But right now, it’s impossible. I’d just be a bother. So… I just have to keep trying.”
“That’s true. Hmm, alright then, give me your contact info. If you win a big tournament, I’ll treat you to my shop’s meat and potatoes!”
“Really? Japanese food? I’d prefer tempura!”
“This guy… Pfft, hahaha… Why is this so funny?”
“Hehe, yeah, it is kind of funny…””
Before long, we were laughing. The words may be a bit crude, but I’ve never been able to talk honestly about Toudou with anyone. We both carry the same sense of guilt–
Maybe that’s why it’s funny that we, with our similar regrets, are talking like this.
Despite all the fuss, we exchanged contact information.
“Senpai, I’ll definitely keep in touch! I’m glad I got to talk to you, Senpai! Excuse me!”
Sasami left in a hurry, surprisingly polite.
I felt encouraged by her retreating figure.
“Alright, I’ll do my best too! No games or smartphones! I won’t lose to Sasami!”
What is this? We’re not friends, but… I feel like I’ve made a companion.
The world feels a little bit wider now…
I started walking, planning my study schedule in my head.
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