“Welcoming our first time since winter! Wanna drink that tasty whiskey? Join in, ya filthy lot! All you lads who think you’re hot stuff at smut trivia, get your arses over here! We warmly welcome your lewd expertise!”
“Leave the dirty talk to me!”
“Bring it on, babyyyy!”
“Who said that!?”
“Can’t afford to lose this time!”
One by one, the self-professed smut gurus stood up, pumping their fists. Quietly departing the center area were the female patrons.
Tonight, the guild was a man’s world.
“…Mongrel, senpai…Surely you’re not…?”
Ah…that “unbelievable” moment, Raina.
I slammed my beer mug down on the table and stood up.
“–Come here, mongrel.”
“Can’t you stop reacting only to my participation…? No, well I am participating though.”
“Eh, what, ‘lewd talk’ means that thing right Mongrel-san…like last time…”
“Ah. Well, but…the world can’t be all pure and noble either, you know? Being a guildsman is kinda like that…”
“Mongrel-senpai…”
Raina stared at me intently.
…I’m sorry Raina. But still, I…
“…I’ll be cheering you on…so I’d be happy if you could share a bit with me…”
“R-Raina…!?”
“…Ah, leave it to me…!”
And so I ended up participating in the second lewd talk battle.
There are even more women in the guild this time. There are various eyes on us, but…for the sake of whiskey, it can’t be helped.
The battle of those shameless men who stake their pride and booze begins…!
“This time, I won’t hold back at all…listen well! Dried powder of the Dart Hydra Snake…”one spoonful and you’ll be erect all night”…!”
“What did you say!?”
“One spoonful…!?”
“Even in old age, he can still do it…!?”
“Kuh…not bad…but I didn’t spend two-tenths of the reward money for nothing either…! Eat this…! Swamp Turtle Hotpot lets you fight until morning”…!”
“Guh…!?”
“–Muu, the winner is Baul!”
“Shyaorah!”
“Guaaah!? I lost…!?”
“–Certainly the Swamp Turtle Hotpot is ‘effective’…but considering its price, availability…and various other factors, I judge that the Dart Hydra Snake powder takes it…–though it was a very close call.”
And so the unbearable lewd talk battle began again.
The detailed rules and judgments seem to be entrusted entirely to Dick Vault, and the participants fully trust Dick Vault’s refereeing. It’s pretty amazing that he’s trusted so much despite the rather vague nature of the battle.
“Alright, next up is Alex from ‘The Earth’s Shield’! What kind of material does this well-behaved former knight have up his sleeve??”
“The way you’re building me up is kinda intense…! Um, well…how about ‘if you cover your partner’s ears when kissing, you can hear the sounds better and it enhances the atmosphere’…or something?”
“Woooah! I can kinda get it!”
“Alex, you’re quite the lewd mage!”
“Lewd mage!?”
“K…The ‘Earth’s Shield’ had a guy like this…? W-Well, I’ve got…’If you bring candy into a store, even girls who usually refuse kisses are more likely to be okay with it’!”
“–The winner is Alex!”
“Gwah!”
“Ah, I won.”
“–I shall not elaborate on Alex’s words…those were good…”
This time, with the lure of such luxurious bait, even guys who usually don’t participate are joining in.
It still seems like it will take some time before it’s my turn.
“…Mongrel-san, are you confident you’ll win again this time?”
“Hmm? Well yeah. In terms of knowledge, I’ve got it. There’s no way I’d lose to any of these guys here.”
“Heh, heh…such confidence…”
“Here’s my glass for you.”
“You’re quick to prepare, Raina.”
“Oh, here comes that Mongrel over there!”
“Ah, here he comes.”
“Don’t just say ‘here he comes’!”
Chuck seems angry about something. This guy really loves picking fights with me.
“You’re always chatting away so merrily with Artemis’ girl…! And then the other day I saw you being all buddy-buddy with that Young Wands girl too…! You got some kinda secret or what, you bastard!?”
“…Aren’t you getting what you want to say mixed up with what you actually want?”
“Shut up! I don’t know! Mongrel, you’re the one I absolutely have to defeat myself this time!”
“Hohou…you’re talking big for someone who lost to me last time, Chuck.”
“…Mongrel-senpai, are you maybe a bit drunk?”
“I’m the most sober man in Legol, damn it!”
“Ah, he’s definitely drunk.”
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I stride over to the center of the tavern and gulp down a random mug that was lying around.
Refueling my spirit. It’s free booze today anyway, forgive me.
“–Then let me see it. The potential of you two…”
“Aah, sounds good Dick Vault! I’ll go first!”
“Shit! I got stuck going second again!”
“Woah! Chuck’s going for the aggressive opener!”
“Mongrel-senpai! I dunno what’s going on but don’t lose!”
“Do men become fools when drinking alcohol?”
“Natasha. Almost all men are foolish creatures from birth.”
Chuck, fired up after chugging his beer, plops down at the table and glares sharply at me…!
…You’re serious, huh…!
“”Even men…if you receive concentrated attacks on ‘that area’…”they’ll squirt”…!”
“…”
“Heheh, heheheh…last time I got done in by the female material, so…this is my counterattack…! How’s that, Mongrel…!”
“Seriously…even men…!?”
“But I’ve never even seen a woman’s…”
“Dick Vault hasn’t given his judgment…does this attack count as ‘valid’…!?”
The growing murmurs. Dick Vault closing his eyes. The girls giving me blank stares…okay leaving that aside.
It seems Chuck’s material was rather unconventional, even revolutionary for this tavern…many of those who heard it were surprised.
…But…I…
“…I’m disappointed, Chuck.”
“Wha…!?”
In this information society of Japan, if you just type a few keywords into the search bar…the accumulated wisdom of humanity over thousands of years spreads out before you.
Compared to the compiled knowledge of the internet…how puny Chuck’s little trivial tidbit is.
These days, even a well-read elementary student would know that level of knowledge, don’t you think…?
“To be honest…I was kinda looking forward to this, you know? I was hoping, deep down, that you might become a rival for me…”
“Th-That’s…just bravado…!”
“…Is that all?”
“…Gh!”
Chuck shudders and swallows his spit.
No second volley, huh.
“If that’s it, then fine. Get lost–‘Men can climax repeatedly if their prostate gland located in their anus is properly stimulated’…”
“Guaaaaaaaah!?”
Chuck is blown off the table and slammed onto the floor.
You small fry. Know your place.
“Chuuuuuck!”
“So that…I can’t believe such a thing exists…!?”
“–The winner is Mongrel!”
“Woooooah!? A total sweep!”
“Dick Vault-san!? Does such a thing really exist!?”
“–I never thought Mongrel would know about this…the nut-like organ located right inside the anus, directly below the bladder…this is said to be unique to men, in a sense the most masculine organ of all…–but when stimulated here…–a man instantly becomes a woman. I can guarantee this myself…”
“What did you saaaaay!?”
“I didn’t want to hear Dick Vault’s guarantee on that…!”
“Where am I supposed to look when walking behind Dick Vault from now on…!?”
Dick Vault…you…are amazing…
To have developed such profound knowledge in a world without any information…
“–Of course, the sensation is unfamiliar to the uninitiated…to become a woman requires training and discipline…could it be, Mongrel, that you are the same as I–?”
“Nah, I just heard it from a passing lewd evangelist.”
“A lewd evangelist again?!”
“Just who is this lewd evangelist?!”
“He must be quite the renowned lewd evangelist indeed…”
“Hmm…the anus, below the bladder…”
“No, Chuck is completely erect now…! The damage was too much for him!”
“Or maybe he’s just drunk too much?”
And so the second lewd talk battle ended in my victory as well.
Dick Vault, acknowledging my efforts, poured a bit more whiskey than usual into my glass, or so I felt.
But I wish he’d stop looking at me like a fellow connoisseur.
“…Impure.”
“He does have a rather gentlemanly hobby, doesn’t he?”
“It’s in the medical realm.”
I got cold looks from the ladies of the Gold class, but…this is simply the fate of the overpowered protagonist, isn’t it? Haha……
“Raina…Ulrika…I brought them.”
“…Ah, no, I’m okay so…you can give mine to Raina…yeah.”
Ulrika politely declined the whiskey, seeming a bit ill-at-ease, so in the end I ended up sharing it all with Raina.
“Nguck, nguck…puah…mmm, delishush!”
“Fufu…glad you like it Raina…that’s enough to make me happy…here, you can have my share too…”
Seeing Raina drink so enthusiastically, I offered her my whiskey as well.
“Eh!? But this is Mongrel-senpai’s portion…”
“Nah…after all that pointless messing around over there, I’m…feeling the drunkenness hit me hard…can’t drink anymore…heheh…”
“…Mongrel-senpai…thank youuu!”
And so the whiskey I had won ended up all going into Raina’s belly.
It’s strong stuff, so be sure to drink some water too, Raina……
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… You know… considering that there was the fact that Mongrel was looking for the only male in Artemis, then the first lewd contest about men’s nipples and now this one… I am betting that Ulrika is wondering if he’s gay or not.