Strong Mongrel
“I ain’t got no money…”
I mutter this while sitting at the guild table, looking up at the ceiling.
It’s nothing unusual, just a common sight.
“Well of course, if you buy something like that, you’re gonna run out of money,”
Barlgar replies with an exasperated tone from the seat across from me.
That might be a fair point. Looking at that thing sitting boldly on the table, anyone can tell it must’ve cost a fortune. Though I haven’t told anyone the price.
“Something like that… Hey Barlgar… For guild members, our bodies are our capital, right? If our bodies get messed up, we can’t take on jobs that pay well. That’s why we gotta pay attention to even the smallest details and protect our bodies. Money’s important, but we can’t cut corners when it comes to this.”
“Mongrel, how many beers is that for you today?”
“Fourth one.”
“You look like it too.”
“Barlgar, this ain’t just someone else’s problem for you either. Guild members get slower and duller as they age. And if you’re single on top of that, you become even more of a death-seeker.”
“You’re being real noisy today. I shouldn’t have told you about the beer shipment.”
“You know roughly what age guild members can work on the front lines, don’t you?”
“…Yeah, that’s true.”
Barlgar got injured today. It wasn’t a serious injury. Just got grazed by an attack he tried to deflect with his small shield, drew a little blood.
But the opponent wasn’t some incredible monster. At least, the Barlgar from about five years ago wouldn’t have gotten such a stupid injury. It’s proof of his decline.
Yeah, we decline. Physical decline comes much faster than mental deterioration.
Just look at the age range of Olympic athletes. That’s how it is. Though nobody here would understand that reference.
“Being active for life sounds cool. But I think we should at least think a little about life after retirement.”
“You really are an old-sounding, preachy bastard. Never changed since way back.”
“Barlgar could make it in town. Teaching the juniors, becoming some kind of… guild executive or something…”
“Yeah, yeah. Here, eat this. It’s medicinal herb salad.”
“Medicinal herbs?”
It looks just like detox grass. And this… crushing the stems… what was this method called again? Extracting medicinal properties… I saw it in the guild’s reference room… but ended up concluding that store-bought stuff was less trouble and cheaper…
“Hurry up and eat it. If you can’t eat it, you’re getting forcibly promoted to Silver in the next exam.”
“What the hell, you bastard, I’ll eat it!”
Promotion is no joke. I’ll finish this whole salad in one bite.
Here we go, munch munch munch munch… damn, this is bitter…
“…Ah.”
“Sobered up?”
The bitter juice I chewed and swallowed took effect immediately.
Dampas, a medicinal herb used for poison removal. If you crush the stems and drink it with the leaves, it helps with food poisoning and such.
Normally using it raw makes the medicinal effect too strong and irritates the stomach, but right now this raw strength is exactly what I needed.
…The alcohol that was going to my head just moments ago has completely disappeared.
“…Hey Barlgar, isn’t this beer strong…?”
“That’s what I’ve been telling you. It’s stronger than usual, so don’t chug it down…”
“Ugh, why is this… hmm, smelling it, this is… ah yeah. There’s distilled spirits mixed in…?”
“Apparently they’re mixing some failed whiskey production into the beer and selling it. The alcohol content is about double and it gives you a bad hangover. …I told you this story too, didn’t I?”
“Well… I didn’t think it would be this much…”
The usual alcohol served here is low in alcohol content and easy to drink. Even the beer has low alcohol – really gentle stuff. It’s basically at the level of light beer.
But this… this isn’t light beer level at all. Not just double either. This is basically strong beer.
Strong… a familiar word. I barely had any memory of drinking that level of alcohol in this life, but my soul must have remembered. That’s probably why I kept chugging it without feeling anything wrong…
Alcohol is scary. This body isn’t particularly strong with alcohol either, and if I mess up my liver, there’s no such thing as hospitals…
I should be careful. I was about to lecture Barlgar, but I’m in no position to talk about others…
“Ah, Mongrel-senpai… ugh, you reek of alcohol.”
“Oh, Raina. And Ulrika too.”
“Good evening… wow you smell… how much did you drink, Mongrel-san… ah, good evening Barlgar-san too.”
“Yeah.”
“This alcohol has a bit of a story behind it. Coming back from a mission? Good work.”
From what I can see, only Raina and Ulrika came back to the guild. Rather than Artemis activities, it looks like they paired up for some light hunting.
The two are doing paperwork at the reception desk. …Hmm, bow. Bow, huh. I haven’t practiced archery lately. No, more than that, I haven’t practiced magic either. I should do it soon or my books will become interior decoration.
“More importantly, Mongrel, it’s this, this.”
“This? Ah… this equipment?”
Barlgar is pointing at my new equipment without any reservation.
“You were using this as an example to lecture me, weren’t you?”
“Ah… sorry. No, I had a proper reason. Look, this is armor, right? Get good armor and work safely – that was the point.”
“You were really planning to make such a normal point… wait, this is armor? Not taxidermy or something?”
“It’s obviously armor from any angle, look.”
I put on the equipment that was placed on the table.
It’s a bit heavy, but look, it’s head equipment, right?
“Mongrel-senpai, want to come drink with us at that table over there… whoa! There’s something there!?”
“Pfft… ahaha! Mongrel-san, what is that!?”
“That’s the reaction, you see.”
“Bow users don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand either.”
“Spear users don’t understand either.”
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT GADGETIZEDPANDA.COM
The helm I’m currently wearing is new equipment I recently bought at the market.
Of course, it’s not just any helm. It’s a super-aggressive helm with a large axe sprouting like a crest from the top of a sturdy plate helm, and big horns growing from the left and right – the kind that goats or sheep probably have, though I’ve never seen them. The back has some kind of fur attached that’s all fluffy. It’s warm and probably excellent for impact resistance too.
It also has a proper face guard that protects from nose to chin. It’s the ultimate head armor that can handle facial attacks too.
It seems like it would increase attack power and probably has an effect that reflects a percentage of damage when attacked.
The fact that it’s about three times heavier than a normal sturdy helm is, well, part of its charm.
“Mongrel-senpai is wasting money again…”
“Well, I’ve only had normal helms until now, right? It was expensive, but I thought I’d buy it as serious equipment.”
“You should’ve stayed normal.”
“Why are you so decisive in weird places…?”
“Don’t these horns look cool?”
“The horns are cool.”
“Right?”
“Barlgar-senpai, you’re too soft on Mongrel-senpai!”
I really liked this design…
If I removed the axe and broke off the horns, this helmet would probably get a goblin-slaying bonus. But I won’t remove them.
“Mongrel, you worry about me, but… are you really okay with money? Sure, you’re earning well now, but it’ll be bad when you can’t move due to lack of funds.”
“Yeah… I feel like Mongrel-san is always complaining about not having money. And yet you keep buying stuff… You don’t usually take on big missions, so how do you make money?”
“I want to know too. You’re not doing anything bad, are you?”
“I don’t do bad things.”
Though I might do slightly illegal things within the range of not getting caught…
“Lately it’s been this. I leave my original inventions at a stall in the Black Mist Market and have them sell them for me.”
“You never learn. Following in Lord Chaos’s footsteps?”
“No no, these actually sell. There’s an invention boom right now, right? When I have an idea, I quickly make it and put it up for sale. Some things have been unsold for years, but surprisingly people buy them, so it’s not something to mock.”
“Huh… is that so?”
“Eh, what kind of things do you sell?”
Fire piston… I should avoid mentioning that. If I use that as an example and get asked about the source of the idea, I’d be in real trouble.
Even in my previous life, I didn’t really understand it clearly. Something that wouldn’t be suspicious to explain to others would be…
“Washboard. A board about this size with zigzag grooves at right angles. You rub wet clothes against it and it removes dirt really well. It’s convenient, though I did copy it from someone else a bit.”
“Eh! That’s probably the one we have at our clan house! I forgot who bought it though…”
“Really? Hey hey, Artemis-san… thank you for your purchase.”
“Eh? Eh? That… ah, yeah there was one, that’s convenient isn’t it.”
“Ho, not bad, Mongrel.”
Really? The washboard had spread even to such close acquaintances.
Well, it’s a proven household item so it’s not strange that it would catch on… but I don’t want to be thought of as too competent an inventor.
“And then there’s… that. The tool for sticking in butts that Dick Vault was talking about at the guild before.”
“Hah…?”
“Pfft… Mongrel-senpai, I’m drinking right now!”
“Well, I can’t talk about this stuff sober. This is the kind of talk that needs alcohol.”
“Ahaha! Ah yeah, there was something like that! The one drawn on the bulletin board! You were even making something like that!?”
“Mo- Mongrel-san, you were also selling those kinds of tools? You made them…?”
Ulrika, with her red face, asks hesitantly.
Well… it’s not like the actual thing is here, and it’s a drinking session, so it’s fine.
“It’s a dirty topic, but it’s a tool to stick inside the body, right? So I didn’t want anyone to get hurt, so I took a specially smooth Hornwolf horn and carefully carved it by the river… I had to finish it without any burrs or steps because it would cause injury otherwise, so I thoughtfully and gently worked on it with care, like this.”
“You made it! A tool to stick in men’s asses! Ahaha!”
“I- I see… that’s kind of you…”
Barlgar’s laughing his ass off. Well, of course he’d laugh. I’d appreciate it if he made it into a laughing matter – it helps with the emptiness of this topic for me too.
“What shape was it, hey, how many did you make?”
“The shape was… well, it’s sold now so it’s fine, but I didn’t know what shape to make it either, so I finished it using my groin’s bastard sword as reference.”
“Eh, ah, is, that so…?”
“Y- yours…? Hehe, this is killing me… eh, how many? How many did you make?”
“Three. I had someone else sell them, but they all sold properly. I was surprised even though I priced them high.”
“Ahaha! Really!? Mongrel’s mongrel sold!?”
“That’s right, Mongrel’s mongrel. Even now, somewhere in this town, someone might be using my mongrel. When I imagine that, well, they sold but I honestly regret it a lot…”
“I’m gonna die laughing…! Stop it…!”
Damn, Barlgar’s dying of laughter.
Is it funny? It is funny. I’d be laughing too from a third-person perspective.
Laugh all you want… it eases the emptiness I feel every night…
“…Mongrel-senpai, you were doing dirty business.”
“Well, dirty… yeah dirty. It’s dirty.”
Raina’s disapproving look is 100% correct. I’ve become a filthy merchant.
“B- but… you know. Even with something like that, thinking about the other person’s body when making it… that’s really kind, Mongrel-san…”
Isn’t Ulrika forcing himself to comment? You don’t have to push yourself to join in on this dirty conversation…?
“Well, that kind of follow-up is appreciated… Originally, I made it so people wouldn’t do dangerous solo play based on that topic back then. I didn’t expect it to sell out so quickly.”
“Using Hornwolf horns is such a waste…”
“Right?”
“…I see… so then, Mongrel-san’s… Mongrel-san’s would… me…”
“I- I laughed too much and my stomach… cramped up…!”
“Hey, you okay, old man on the verge of retirement?”
“D- damn you Mongrel… that topic is too unfair… heh, heh…!”
“Why do men like these kinds of topics so much…?”
That day, Barlgar’s sagging abs got worked out just a little bit.
Thanks to my mongrel, Barlgar’s active career was extended by another day… no, this really is a dirty story…
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