Yuzuha looked toward the stairs.
The PE committee member Minegishi was about to come down to the grounds with the two teachers who had arrived late.
“…Maybe I only want to tell people I like about this kind of thing. I am a maiden after all.”
“…Then, wasn’t what happened earlier actually unpleasant after all…”
“Nah, that’s separate from this. Oh, this is a convenient phrase. I should go share it with Takano-chan too.”
Yuzuha said this casually and returned to her gal group.
…I probably shouldn’t talk about this stuff too much.
I followed the group that carried all the glamour of Class 2 with my eyes.
Unlike Remi, Yuzuha doesn’t drop her intimate attitude.
If I didn’t have Hanazono as a girlfriend, I’d definitely be misunderstanding the situation.
However, Yuzuha’s recent behavior strikes me as somewhat dangerous.
…Somehow, I feel like I’m able to observe Yuzuha more calmly than usual.
Maybe this bird’s-eye view perspective is a byproduct of having a girlfriend.
If so, how do I want to use that?
The teacher called for everyone to gather, and I kicked off from the ground.
When PE ended, as soon as we finished changing, we went directly into lunch break.
In middle school we had school lunch so that wasn’t possible, but this is one of the benefits of shifting to a bento culture.
Following last week’s pattern, I visited the student council room and had lunch with Hanazono.
Time with Hanazono passes in an instant, and lunch break has completely become my daily pleasure.
Since I disappear from the classroom every day as soon as the lunch chime rings, Takeru has moved to a different group.
If this routine continues, I might be in trouble when I can’t eat with Hanazono.
Today my meeting with Hanazono was delayed by about twenty minutes, so such anxiety crossed my mind.
But when I actually faced her, overwhelming happiness erased those thoughts.
As I was thinking this while putting away my lunch box, Hanazono, having no way to know what was in my head, spoke to me.
“Yosshi. I’ve made up my mind.”
“Huh? Made up your mind about what?”
At the sudden declaration, I responded with confusion.
Hanazono collected her lunch trash in a bag and then looked up.
“I want to gradually start telling people around us about you.”
“…Huh? Tell people around us, you mean that we’re dating?”
When I asked that, Hanazono nodded modestly.
“If possible. Gradually.”
“No, you wanted to avoid getting involved in troublesome situations, right Hanazono? You don’t need to force yourself at all.”
“But I…”
She looked down slightly and continued.
“I still don’t feel like it’s real that I’m dating you, Yosshi. I think if I tell people about it, that would solve the problem.”
I blinked involuntarily.
Time with Hanazono is enjoyable.
But I felt like it wasn’t really time spent as lovers.
Since just chatting alone together isn’t different from middle school.
“…I don’t completely disagree with what you’re saying. But I think that kind of realization comes gradually. It’s easy to tell people around us, but you can’t take back what you say. Considering your position, Hanazono, I think you should be careful.”
“Then, do you already feel like you’re my boyfriend, Yosshi?”
“Well, yeah. I do feel that way.”
“Eh, really? Since when?”
“Hmm…”
…I felt it the night our confession succeeded. If I said that, would she be surprised?
Every time I go to school, I think about what Hanazono is doing, and when I’m alone I usually let my thoughts wander to her.
I understand that Hanazono doesn’t feel the same way.
It’s embarrassing to tell her because our current situations are so different.
We did start dating.
And the strength of our feelings isn’t equal yet.
But I’m accepting that as the fate of the one who confessed.
I don’t know what the silence made her think, but Hanazono looked apologetic and lowered her eyebrows.
“…Sorry? For saying I don’t feel like it’s real yet. Maybe I didn’t need to say something like that.”
“You don’t need to apologize, it’s natural. I was the one who confessed, and from your perspective it was probably sudden. It’s natural.”
I told her repeatedly.
Hanazono made her eyebrows form a figure eight.
“Yeah… that’s true, but. This is also my first time accepting a confession, so I think not feeling like it’s real is just my heart not catching up with reality.”
“Just knowing that I’m the first makes me happy. I’ve felt that way since the moment we started dating.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m your first boyfriend, right? Just that alone makes it feel special somehow.”
Just as I was about to continue speaking, Hanazono interrupted with an innocent expression.
“Huh? Why do you think you’re the first?”
“…Why?”
At the unexpected response, my head went blank.
I had unconsciously assumed it. But certainly, I’m not necessarily her first boyfriend.
I want to know but I don’t want to know.
Such conflicted feelings mixed together, and I involuntarily closed my mouth.
“There’s a possibility I’ve confessed to someone before, right?”
“R-right. That’s true.”
……I hadn’t considered that possibility at all.
Now that she mentioned it, back in middle school, Hanazono often took the initiative to talk to me.
In high school, it’s hard to tell because she keeps her distance from boys, but at our age, it would be more unnatural to have never had feelings for someone of the opposite sex.
And there probably isn’t a single boy who would turn down a confession from Hanazono.
I found myself convinced without needing to think deeper about it.
“……I see.”
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When I gave that flat response, Hanazono blinked.
Then she asked with a slightly troubled look.
“Yosshi, are you sulking?”
“I’m not sulking.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I wonder about that.”
Hanazono chuckled softly and tilted her head.
“I’ve never confessed to anyone. I don’t have that kind of courage. Yosshi was my first.”
“……What?! Then what was all that talk just now?!”
“Hehe, sorry. I just wanted to talk about possibilities.”
“I’ve been played with……”
“That sounds so bad.”
Hanazono relaxed her expression with a troubled look, then spoke her words.
“To be honest, I guess I wanted to make a small excuse.”
“An excuse……what are you excusing?”
“Well. If I only get confessed to, I might look like an unpleasant girl. Just rejecting all the confessions I receive sounds kind of arrogant……but that’s how the situation had become, so I tried to make some clumsy excuses.”
“No, no, that’s not something Hanazono needs to worry about, right?”
When I replied immediately, Hanazono opened her eyes wide in surprise and said, “You think so?”
I nodded and said,
“If the other person isn’t compatible with you, confessions would just be painful. Well, I can’t understand the feelings personally, but I think I can understand the emotion itself.”
As I answered, I became aware that my sulking feelings were disappearing.
Rather, Hanazono’s subtle emotions were fresh to me, and my mood was lifting.
That Hanazono had tried to put on airs for me.
“I see. But what do you mean by understanding without knowing the feelings?”
To her hesitant question, I answered while scratching my cheek.
“……Well, I don’t have experience with being confessed to a lot like Hanazono. So it would be annoying if I said I understood your feelings. Also, I genuinely don’t understand the feelings. I’d definitely think it was happy and stuff.”
Men should be the ones confessing.
That kind of value system belongs to our parents’ generation, and I don’t have it. If you get confessed to, even boys would definitely be happy.
“But I think I know Hanazono’s inner self. The Hanazono I know would probably find confessions painful. That’s what I mean.”
“……I see.”
Hanazono nodded slightly and moved her chair closer to me.
“Would Yosshi be happy if he got confessed to?”
“Of course, I’d definitely be happy.”
“Even with me here?”
“……Um, wait? No, I was talking about past timelines, or rather, now is different, or as a general feeling, based on the values I’ve lived with up until now, that kind of thing.”
When I desperately tried to explain, Hanazono started giggling.
It seemed like it was a joke, and she couldn’t hold back her laughter in the end.
“T-that’s why you’re so mean……”
“Sorry, but I’m happy. It’s just to hide my embarrassment.”
“If you say that, I’ll forgive you.”
“Hehe, cute.”
Hanazono smiled cheerfully.
Then she stood up suddenly.
She walked to the window and cast her gaze outside.
“……Even with different values, understanding each other is amazing, isn’t it? I sometimes think, maybe Yosshi is actually mature?”
“Not at all, absolutely not. I’m just forcing myself to understand.”
“Just trying seriously to understand is enough. Everyone else just talks.”
Then she turned back to me and casually raised a question.
“I wonder who influenced Yosshi to be like that?”
Joy was shadowed by gloom.
Memories I’d rather forget flickered in the corner of my mind.
……It’s probably because I was isolated in middle school.
Before that, I was a thoughtless brat, as my memories with Remi show.
I prioritized myself above all else, and regretting after fights was the best I could do.
The way I feared being disliked by people but refused to change is teeth-grindingly frustrating even now when I think back.
Looking back, even the incident where I misunderstood the situation and was driven to isolation might have been caused by my usual attitude.
After receiving painful retribution, I regretted a lot.
My reality shifted from school being paradise to home being paradise.
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