“So I want to nip the buds that could be blamed in advance. Smart, good-looking, good personality, and the humility to not show off any of those. A genuine person who can’t leave troubled people alone.”
In fact, the majority of people should have an impression close to that about her.
“Ah, this person is naturally like that, there’s no way to find fault with her. If I can make them think that, I can live peacefully…… But I figured it out. In the end, no matter how far you go, you can’t escape. As long as I am me. Because I was born with this kind of body.”
Clank—the ice in the glass makes a sound by itself. Both I and Shishihara fell silent.
A string of curse-like words coming from none other than her mouth.
The shock is probably big because I was trapped by preconceptions. I thought she, at least, wouldn’t feel being a Myudents as a burden.
“[She gets advantages because she’s cute] or [Life’s on easy mode because she was born beautiful]—there are often women who say such envious things. The person being told doesn’t really get that angry. Actually, they do get advantages. They can feel superior thinking ‘How pitiful to be born ugly.'”
But, Maihama continues with strong intensity.
“In my case, it doesn’t end with just that. Do you know what they say about me behind my back?”
Please stop. I don’t want to hear that.
“She gets advantages because she’s a mermaid, life’s on easy mode because she was born a mermaid, they say. Even though I’ve never gotten any advantages…… Eventually it becomes ‘because she’s a mermaid she can study well,’ ‘because she’s a mermaid she can’t help but be kind to people,’ ‘because she’s a mermaid she should endure unpleasant things,’ ‘it’s okay to hurt her’—I become a target to be beaten. Ever since I found out about this body, always, everyone, that’s how it’s been.”
“Hey, Maihama…………”
I can’t help but interrupt, but the next words don’t come at all.
“It must have been hard for a long time. Those people saying such things are just a small minority so ignore them. Everyone doesn’t think badly of you”—Maihama could probably see clearly the process of superficial comfort rising and disappearing. She tells me emotionlessly, “It’s fine, I understand.”
“You want to say ‘there’s no end if you worry about it,’ right? Well, that’s true. But when I think about how long this will continue, it’ll continue as long as I’m a Myudents. Another ten or fifteen years? That’s pretty long, isn’t it? So I decided to change my way of thinking.”
“……Mental self-care?”
“That’s right. The reason I can always smile cheerfully…… do you understand? It’s because in my heart I’m looking down on them as much as possible, thinking [all these people are idiots] [they’re so easily fooled].”
“And so you started [Gachikuzu Hypocrite-chan].”
“Correct answer. Well, at first I was just complaining…… but it was an unexpected harvest, you could say. Just taking off a little bit hooked a ton of simple men—I was surprised.”
“Were you happy being pampered?”
“Very. I can’t do this kind of thing in real life, after all.”
By mocking everything in the world like that, she managed to maintain her mental peace.
“I’m fully aware of how despicable I am. If I end up destroyed because of it, I’ll accept it as self-inflicted. So… if you could just kindly watch over me, that would be enough.”
Maihama concluded with a smile that didn’t seem forced at all. I understood the general situation.
While Shishihara, clearly uncomfortable, stared at an empty glass, I suddenly felt like seeing the sky. I turned my gaze to the window—but unfortunately, it was overcast.
—Takizawa, I’m sorry.
Even though it goes against your request, right now I’m seriously thinking about respecting her wishes.
I don’t have the words to offer someone who doesn’t seek salvation, someone like her who charges headlong toward their own destruction. That’s the fundamental difference between me and someone like Shishihara or Hikami-sensei.
“It seems you’ve understood.”
Maihama let out a deep breath, as if declaring her victory.
“Ahh, if only I’d been born a normal girl… I probably could’ve lived a much easier life.”
Whether that was a triumphant shout or a final insult, it probably didn’t carry much meaning.
“Normal, huh.”
Before I knew it, I’d laughed. What even is a “normal girl”?
From my perspective, Maihama is already a beautiful, kind high school girl. Shishihara’s just a little rough around the edges, but she’s normal too. Saku-senpai is probably… no, scratch that. She’s way too special to compare. I’m not even sure she counts as a high school girl anymore.
I closed my eyes, lost in thoughts that barely qualified as contemplation, when—
“Want me to guess what you’re thinking, Komori-kun?”
Her voice pulled me back to reality. I’d assumed she’d already left the café, but Maihama was still sitting across from me. Her café au lait still half full, though finishing it didn’t seem to be her goal.
“You were thinking about Saku-senpai, weren’t you?”
Her eyes gleamed with certainty, as if declaring she was now the one in the interrogator’s seat.
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“How did you know?”
“You’d have to be blind not to see it. You’re always like this. Every time you open your mouth, it’s ‘Saku-senpai this’ and ‘Saku-senpai that.’ Don’t you realize how obvious you are?”
“I don’t go on about her that much…”
But I couldn’t finish the denial—that scared me.
Her gaze, tinged with what felt like accusation or frustration, pierced into me. I didn’t understand the reason. I could only guess it had something to do with that person again—Saku-senpai.
“Not everyone can be as strong as her, you know?”
Her strained voice carried more coldness than heat.
“What are you talking about?”
“You were thinking, ‘Saku-senpai wouldn’t be this indecisive,’ right? That she wouldn’t act smug just in the online world.”
“Look, I think you’re misunderstanding—Maihama—”
“She’s amazing, isn’t she? I’m a succubus, something special, different from regular people. She practically markets herself like that. And since she’s beautiful, model-like even, she accepts the praise everyone gives her like it’s natural. She’s built her whole personality around ‘look at me.’ How is that even possible?”
“…”
“What a cheat. It’s unfair. Normal people are supposed to live low-key…”
She rambled on, but what it boiled down to was a confession that she envied Saku-senpai’s existence, her way of living. I could only shake my head, not at anyone in particular. Not just Maihama—no one really understood.
“There you go again with that look, like ‘you don’t get it at all.'”
The target of her bite turned out to be me, after all. A wise choice. Better me than someone not here to defend themselves.
“You’ve been holding onto that for a while, huh?”
“Yeah. I thought it was clever—you’re just a regular guy, yet you’re called a bat, hanging around a celebrity like Saku-senpai. Acting like being next to her makes you special. Like you’re the only one who really gets her. Smugly basking in superiority. You’re the same with Myudents—you just want to show off your knowledge.”
“Look, Aoi-chan—”
Suddenly, a girl stood up, slamming the table.
“Ko-mori-kun is—”
I could already guess she was about to defend me, so I raised my right hand to stop her. Let her speak. It’s fine.
“I hated it. I absolutely loathe people like Komori-kun who suck the sweetest nectar from the safest spots. So please… let’s not see each other anymore.”
She didn’t specify what she meant, but I assumed she wanted no further contact. It was a little sad, but if she hated me, there’s nothing I could do.
Still, I’d always considered myself fond of her.
“Just one last thing.”
So, I offered this kindness.
The moment I told myself that in my heart, something already started breaking.
“You’re contradicting yourself and don’t even realize it.”
“Huh?”
But instinct overpowered reason.
“If you truly looked down on others from the bottom of your heart, you wouldn’t enjoy being praised by those simpletons you consider fools. You pretend to despise them, but deep down you desperately crave their approval.”
What do you call this situation, when emotions override everything?
“You’re not really upset about being a mermaid. You just hate that the world doesn’t accept you as one. You want to be understood, accepted. As long as you keep running from that truth…”
By this point, I already knew the answer, but somewhere inside me, I screamed that I didn’t want to understand.
“You’ll never be happy. Even after you’re not a Myudents anymore, even when everyone who knew you were one is gone, you’ll never escape yourself.”
I hadn’t realized I’d spilled everything. But even after, the bitterness remained.
The air turned to ice. Shishihara’s eyes trembled like a frightened animal. Maihama stood frozen, her face pale. They probably never imagined I was someone who could get this angry. It caught even me off guard—half an accident, really. Still, if I’d hurt someone, I had to take responsibility. I was prepared to accept the consequences.
“But… you wouldn’t understand.”
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