“That’s surprising for someone called a playboy like Phil-Salemabart. I thought you’d often play around at gambling dens carrying a leek on your back.”
“I’m not a sitting duck. I’m actually strong, as you can see. A poker face is the [Hero of the Shadow]’s specialty.”
“Specialty, huh…”
Kahlua thought for a moment.
Then, suddenly. She clung to Phil’s arm.
“Mmm… you really don’t react, do you?”
“I told you, didn’t I? My selling points are not reacting, not being intimidated, and not messing up. This level of skinship won’t change my expression. Besides, there’s an overwhelming lack of chest elasticity—”
“Hah?”
“N-no wait… eyes aren’t… meant to be… crushed with… fists…!”
Whether with a fist or not, eyes shouldn’t be crushed.
“Since we have the chance, why don’t Phil onii-chan and the others play cards with us too!”
“O-okay… We have time, so let’s do it. But wait a minute… Onii-chan can’t see because his vision is blurred with tears…”
While rubbing his eyes, Phil nodded to Lily (※he can’t see her) who was probably smiling.
In addition, Kahlua, whose fist had gotten dirty with tears, wiped it with a cloth while agreeing.
“Then I’ll play too. It might be interesting to try after such a long time.”
“Muh! A chance to get revenge has arrived! I’ll play too to defeat this woman!”
“Oh my, even though I look like this—”
“Your chest is flat, isn’t it?”
“I can kill you.”
“Isn’t it weird to say ‘I can kill you’ when you ‘look like this’!?”
Frightened by Kahlua who couldn’t take a joke, Illya immediately hid behind Phil’s back.
Because the pain from the flying knee kick she’d received a while ago came flooding back.
“What should we do? We just played poker… With this many people, maybe Old Maid would be better?”
“”Old… Maid..””
“You two looking this way, line up over there. I hear the Sanzu River is actually quite beautiful.”
“N-now, let’s take out one joker and start!”
“I’ll be number one!”
The two turned away their gazes they’d reflexively directed and hurriedly sat on the floor.
If they were scared, they shouldn’t tease her.
“But while we’re at it, let’s decide on a punishment or reward. Just playing wouldn’t be thrilling enough. Kids these days apparently prefer roller coasters over shoulder rides.”
“What will it be? I’m telling you now, you can’t spoil them too much. If you give them candy that’s too sweet, it becomes normal for them.”
“You’d make a good mother, Kahlua. I’d like my mother to hear that—but setting that aside. How about the safe option where I, as the host, grant the winner’s wish? That’s wholesome, and it might get you guys a bit excited, right?”
“Then if I win, you’ll get engaged to me!”
“Let’s keep it within wholesome bounds.”
It was quite rare to have your future decided by a single game of Old Maid.
“I’ll have you give me a lap pillow for a day.”
“My legs will go numb.”
“Then I’ll make you walk around town naked!”
“Don’t throw your master’s dignity into a ditch for the rats to eat!”
I absolutely can’t lose to Illya, Phil thought as he gathered the cards and shuffled them.
The order was [Phil → Kahlua → Illya → Lily]. The rules of Old Maid don’t really need explaining, but just in case: the person who pairs up cards with matching numbers and runs out of cards first wins.
After Phil finished dealing the cards, everyone discarded their initial pairs and the game began.
At that moment, Kahlua raised her hand first.
“Well then, may I start first?”
“I don’t mind. I’m not petty enough to complain about going first or second.”
At Phil’s words, both Lily and Illya agreed.
Then, Kahlua stared at Illya’s cards and—
“I’ll take away tomorrow’s work, so hand over the [3].”
“This is the [3].”
“A bribe!?”
Phil was shocked at the unscrupulous card selection.
“Isn’t that not how the game works? We’re not building blocks here. Isn’t it cowardly to win by stacking up bribes!?”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to win.”
“What drives you that far…!”
The lap pillow.
“Then it’s my turn next!”
While Kahlua, who drew the [3] as declared and made a pair, was elsewhere, Illya, whose work was exempted for tomorrow, tried to draw from Lily’s hand.
“Lily, do you have the joker?”
“I-I-I-I-I-I don’t have it!? Yeah, I don’t have the joker!”
“Amazing. It’s rare to encounter a situation that teaches me I need to be this cautious.”
“So the joker is there. Safe and sound, what a relief.”
“Make sure to regulate traffic properly, Illya.”
Lily’s eyes obviously wandered as she started to panic.
There probably wasn’t anyone more obvious than this. For better or worse, she was a pure girl.
“Hmm… is it this one?”
Illya looked straight at Lily’s face while reaching for a card.
“…! (shake shake)”
“Then is it this one?”
“…! (sparkle sparkle)!”
“I’ll take this one.”
“Ahhh!”
She drew the card that hadn’t made Lily’s eyes sparkle.
Looking at their faces, it was obvious that it wasn’t the joker.
(…I feel like the joker will never come around to me. Is this Old Maid even working properly? I’m starting to worry this might become disrespecting royalty by bullying the weak.)
If they drew in order, the joker was with the person furthest from Phil.
If that person was this obvious, Illya wouldn’t draw it either. And it didn’t seem like Lily would win.
She’s kind of pitiful, he thought, as Phil held out his cards toward Lily.
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT gadgetizedpanda.net
“Uuu… I wonder which one is the [8]…”
With teary eyes, Lily stared intently at Phil’s hand.
She must really want the [8]—the drops of tears floating in her moist eyes gradually grew larger.
“…………”
An adorable face, an atmosphere that stirred protective instincts, a young and cute appearance.
All of it was directed at him alone. Therefore, for some reason, a great indescribable emotion welled up in Phil’s heart.
“…(Slide)”
“???”
“…(Tap tap)”
“Should I draw this one?”
“…(Nod)”
“Here goes! Y-yay! It’s the [8]!”
Lily discarded the card with a beaming smile of joy.
At that moment, he suddenly felt piercing deadpan stares from the two of them.
“”””…………””””
“It can’t be helped!? When she makes a face like that, what man wouldn’t help her!? My heart isn’t rotten enough to abandon a lost child!”
As expected of a princess with exceptional personal virtue. Even if a poker face was impossible, the technique of naturally making others’ emotions her ally was her forte.
“Guh…! Everyone’s steadily reducing their cards! At this rate, I’ll have to job change into a perverted wanderer with a lap pillow and nothing on…!”
In a way it was self-inflicted, but Phil steeled himself and stared intently at Kahlua’s hand.
The cards were held out in an extended position. In other words, when trying to look at the cards, the opponent’s face inevitably entered his field of vision.
So what happened?
“…H-hurry up and take one.”
“Why is your face so red?”
“Just do it! Hurry and take one!”
He felt like he was being stared at.
Because of that, Kahlua’s cheeks were slightly flushed.
“Don’t say that. Even if the cute mascot-chan has the joker, there might be a card matching mine sleeping in Kahlua’s hand. I need to choose carefully here…!”
“I get it… I get it, so! What do you want!? If I have it, I’ll give it to you properly!”
“Wait, are you that reluctant to be looked at? That hurts, you know?”
“I want the [5].” “Here’s the [5].” Such an exchange occurred and the [5] came to his hand.
Phil looked into the distance a bit, thinking this was far from the Old Maid he knew.
“I knew you were lovey-dovey, but you have a surprisingly feminine side too! That’s nice, Illya-chan has a favorable impression of that kind of maiden side. Your low favorability rating is rapidly rising—”
“Hand over the [10] if you don’t want to be punched in the face.”
“…Here’s the [10].”
And so, Old Maid proceeded smoothly.
In the end, Lily lost that round of Old Maid, and Kahlua came in first, so Phil’s reward became a lap pillow, but—
“That woman… she’s really scary. A trauma-level existence.”
“Is my face that dirty? I thought I had confidence I was better than a pig at least…”
“Hey, why are Phil onii-chan and the others crouching in the corner… Oh, Kahlua onee-chan, your face is red?”
“Being stared at that much is… well… I’m happy, but…!”
Each of them was in a state you wouldn’t think they’d just played Old Maid.
But that’s beside the point.
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