■Chapter 2: The Holy Grail
Several days after Her Majesty called Kuromari-chan the “Holy Grail”…
I was eating at a family restaurant. Her Majesty sat across from me, with Hana-chan-chan beside her.
A hamburger set meal sat before me – hamburger steak, rice, salad, and soup, surrounded by the knives, forks, and spoons Her Majesty had arranged.
Facing the hamburger, I took a deep breath.
A moment of tension.
“What will you eat first?”
When Her Majesty asked, I answered:
“I’ll start with the soup.”
After saying this, I reached for one of the many spoons on the table – a small one – and tried to drink. But…
“Stop.”
Her Majesty halted me.
“That’s a teaspoon. You use the round soup spoon for soup. Here, try again.”
“Ehh~”
I returned the teaspoon and used the round spoon to sip my soup.
“Umm, I’m really hungry now… can I just eat the hamburger already?”
“As long as you don’t mistake your cutlery again.”
Looking down, I saw two knives placed there.
“You totally set this up as a trick question, didn’t you?”
“It’ll get cold if you take too long.”
“Ugh…”
Both looked identical to me. Well, with 50/50 odds, I might get lucky – so I randomly picked one to eat with, but…
“Stop. Wrong answer.”
“Come on!!”
“That’s a fish knife. Look carefully – the blade’s smooth. You use the serrated steak knife for meat.”
“Just let me eat a hamburger in peace~”
“No. Manners maketh man.”
In the family restaurant, Her Majesty and I continued our noisy back-and-forth.
Watching us, Hana-chan-chan beside us said:
“Madarame-senpai, you’re getting manners lessons?”
“Yeah. It’s always like this.”
The corner of British shop’s living room was piled with mysterious junk – globes, telescopes, suits of armor, nautical compasses, and such.
Shortly after we met, Her Majesty pulled a cane from that cluttered room. What did she do with it? Whenever I slouched, she’d poke me with it. “Tuck in your stomach,” “Chest out,” she’d say, correcting my posture.
Her Majesty called it the “Madarame Shinichi Gentleman Transformation Project.”
And becoming a gentleman required more than just posture – when I lounged on British shop’s sofa, she’d make me study English (while she played on her phone), try to dress me in jackets, and even ordered a Victorian or English-style tailored suit from Rabbi the tailor.
True, the combination of formal Her Majesty and casual me created quite a contrast. I thought it worked fine, but Her Majesty apparently wanted matching formality without gaps.
And so, with this gentleman-making goal, even family restaurant meals came with strict manners training.
“I’m starving here!!”
“Learn your knives and spoons properly first.”
“Says the one eating fries with her fingers~”
“Keep talking, and this happens—”
Her Majesty tried spearing my hamburger with her fork. I blocked with my knife. Soon our utensils were clashing over the plate.
“Madarame, that’s poor manners.”
“Look who’s talking~”
As we play-fought like always—
“Hmph!”
Hana-chan-chan beside us puffed her cheeks.
“Huh? What’s up?”
“Nothing.”
She turned away sharply.
“It’s just… you and Eli-san seem really close!”
Admittedly, Her Majesty often flicked my forehead, pulled my cheeks, and initiated lots of physical contact.
“Fix your hair—”
she’d say while touching it.
“Iron your shirt—”
while tugging my clothes.
“Polish your shoes—”
stepping on my sneakers.
“You need culture,”
she declared, dragging me to museums where I’d stare at huge paintings and say “Whoa, it’s huge!” like an idiot, only for her to press a finger to my lips whispering, “No loud voices here.”
When her slender white finger lightly touched my lips, my heart skipped.
But—
“That kind of thing isn’t good!”
Seeing Her Majesty’s usual behavior, Hana-chan-chan objected.
“N-not that Eli-san’s doing anything wrong! It’s just… she’s so beautiful… and senpai might get the wrong idea… I mean… he might misunderstand! Senpai’s a high school boy – if you’re too nice, he’ll definitely misinterpret it and… and attack you with all his lust until you’re utterly destroyed! You shouldn’t touch Madarame-senpai carelessly!”
“What kind of monster do you think I am?!”
Her Majesty observed Hana-chan before saying:
“I’m trying to make Madarame a gentleman. You’d prefer that too, right?”
“I’m fine how I am now~”
At this, Her Majesty frowned.
“Show some enthusiasm. Manners maketh man.”
“Being a gentleman doesn’t get me anything~”
“You’d try if there was a reward?”
“Maybe.”
Her Majesty considered this, then declared:
“Then I’ll give you a proper reward.”
“Eh?”
“Name your prize.”
“Anything goes?”
“Indeed. I’m the rewarding type of ruler.”
I pondered possible rewards. British shop brimmed with junk, but also precious-looking gems and gold coins.
So then—
Suddenly, a kindergarten memory surfaced.
A mischievous classmate once scraped his knee. Grinning, he ran to our pretty young teacher crying “It hurts!” She hugged him, patting his head as he buried his face in her chest. Spotting me in the sandbox, he smirked.
I’d loved that teacher too.
The shock made me drop my shovel.
That memory returned vividly.
I glanced at Her Majesty’s chest.
“My… my reward!”
“Your reward?”
“I… I want…”
“Yes?”
“A-a k-k… N-nevermind! Just a kiss!”
“Hey!!”
Hana-chan-chan shrieked. Her Majesty remained calm.
“That’s all?”
“No way!! Absolutely not!”
Hana-chan flailed her arms.
“Where do I even start?! Kisses aren’t something you give out so casually!”
“If you say so.”
“Eli-san, you’re too detached from norms…”
“I’ll be mindful.”
Her Majesty then studied Hana-chan intently.
“Speaking of… how long have you known Madarame?”
“Eh? Th-that’s—”
When Hana-chan froze, I answered instead:
“Since this request. I’d noticed Hana-chan-chan before – she’s cute and stands out. So I guess… since high school?”
“High school…”
For some reason, Hana-chan pouted.
“Madarame senpai’s an idiot. Remembers nonsense but forgets what matters.”
Her Majesty grabbed a napkin.
“Lesson resumes. You’ve got sauce here.”
She wiped my mouth. Then—
“Ow!”
I yell out.
Hana-chan had kicked my shin under the table.
“Why?!”
“Who knows?”
She looked away.
“Who knows indeed!”
Thus, with Her Majesty correcting each mistake and Hana-chan mysteriously kicking me each time, I finished my hamburger meal.
After the meal, Hana-chan left for cram school.
Her Majesty and I bought soft-serve cones at a convenience store, licking them as we walked toward British shop. Suddenly, Her Majesty stopped, sniffing the air.
“The scent of hell. This presence… a named demon—”
With her usual calm expression, she stated matter-of-factly:
“Many people might die.”
The day Her Majesty called Kuromari-chan the Holy Grail, we visited Rabbi’s tailor.
In the basement, watching security footage of the shape-shifter disguised as me dancing during the Tokyo bombing, Rabbi mused:
“I see. The crown part is the Holy Grail.”
Though Kuromari-chan merchandise came in many designs, none featured a metal crown.
“Was this one a gift from Hana-chan-chan’s father?”
“Her dad’s overseas – sent it as an early Christmas present.”
“The Holy Grail must have possessed it during transit – whether at sea or in air. It changes forms across eras – a great energy essence.”
According to Rabbi, the Holy Grail is supposedly an incredibly valuable artifact.
“Historically, many monarchs who built entire eras are said to have possessed the Holy Grail.”
It doesn’t always take the form of a cup—sometimes it’s a gemstone, a royal seal, or other objects depending on the era.
“So it can… build nations?”
I glance at Her Majesty. She seems to read my thoughts and responds.
“Indeed. With the Grail’s power, founding a country wouldn’t be impossible.”
But Rabbi says the Grail’s power doesn’t end there.
“Like I mentioned earlier, the Grail holds energy beyond human intellect. Even demons have been searching for it relentlessly.”
“Why would demons want it? To establish a demonic nation?”
“Because the Grail can also break boundaries.”
In other words—
“They want to bring their eternally burning bodies from hell into our world. The human world is far more comfortable.”
The Holy Grail was invaluable to both humans and demons alike.
“Abe tried to make a move alone. Even a weak demon could grow powerful with the Grail.”
To hide his possession of it, he used me.
Abe disguised himself as me and leaked footage of “me” holding the Grail. Now, every demon unaware of the truth believes I have it.
“Besides demons, there are other immortals out there. They might come after you too.”
“So… I’m being hunted by everyone?”
“Every immortal will target you. Even fellow humans might. The Grail grants unimaginable power—used wisely, it can achieve anything. Rule the world, fulfill wishes… that kind of power.”
After hearing Rabbi’s take on this Grail war, I had just one thought:
“BUT I DON’T EVEN HAVE IT!!”
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